#irrational self criticism

[skitskatdacat63]

God, I have such a hatred for that stupid f1 movie, everything about it gets on my nerves so badly. I hate to be this ultra salty person but I feel like I could write a whole essay about how dumb it is and how much it annoys me 😭

[politicalantibody]

The last two are particularly relevant to this blog. Sound advice and food for thought for anyone who is striving to be well-informed about domestic and international politics.

“If you don’t face your irrational fears, you allow them to control you”

“Question your thoughts sometimes. Not everything you think is true.”

[inkdrinkerworld]

Hey babes😘 I love your Spencer x sunshine reader fics

Do you think Could you write a one shot of Spencer x sunshine reader where R is out of character annoyed or has an angry out bursts and Spencer trys to calm her down or something like that🩷🫣🪩

The door slams shut behind you, rattling the frame as you throw yourself into your spinning chair. 

You’re in Florida, already not a good thing, but now the local officers can’t seem to stop disregarding what you guys are telling them and it’s causing the Unsub to be even more rash prematurely. 

“Fucking idiots.” 

Spencer looks up from the board he’s staring at, frowning as he watches you snap a couple pencils from your case. 

“Y/n,” smooth and soft as velvet, but today you’re too prickly for it to work and make you smile. 

“I’m fine Spencer,” except getting the words out sounds like you’ve locked your jaw and can’t open it as you speak. Spencer doesn’t hold your attitude against you. 

He puts down the whiteboard marker, shoes clacking as he makes his way over to you. 

“I know you’re stressed, but we’ll get them. We always do, your profile hasn’t been wrong yet.” 

You huff, wishing away your bad mood as Spencer is being so encouraging. But you can’t, the longer you sit by idly the more your skin crawls. 

“Yeah but will we get them before those idiots make it so that their body count reaches twenty before we can get them behind bars? They’re being so fucking incompetent and irrational that it’s costing innocent people.” 

Spencer can see you grinding your teeth and tops your chin up, working his thumb under the hinge of your jaw to get you to unclench your teeth. 

He can’t even be upset with you, sometimes local law enforcement are your worst enemy. 

“I know, but Emily’s solving that issue. They’ll start keeping things to themselves.” 

You sigh, “We should be doing more. I don’t know what, but we have to be faster and smarter. We need to be better.” Your tone is leaning heavily on the side of self-deprecation, rough and self-critical like you’re the Unsub and not a group of women. 

Spencer crouches down, knees brushing yours as he ducks his head to catch your eyes. Melty honey brown eyes stare into yours, his mouth set in a soft line. 

“You need to breathe. I know you’re stressed and you’re worried, but you know what you’re doing. You’re great at profiling. We’re doing as much as we can right now and it has to be enough.” 

It’s hard to disregard Spencer when he speaks the words with all the confidence you’ve been lacking. When you nod a little he smiles, kissing your cheek. 

“Good, now come help me with the geoprofile.” Emily comes rushing into the room as you stand, taking the whiteboard marker into your hands. “Luke and Tara are at the freshest site now, some new evidence that might help with catching them. They’re rushing it to the labs now.” 

The knot in your shoulders ease up a little.

[slayingfiction]

Character Flaws

When creating characters, it's all too easy to envision the most perfect people, especially when it comes to creating love interests. Even our loveable morally grey characters are mostly perfect, if only they would stop killing...

So, here are a list of some flaws (based on personality, not appearance) to help round out your characters. While it's nice to be good at everything, it's abnormal. No one is perfect, and your characters will be much more relatable if you knock them down a bit.

Please note, none of these are (specifically) mental disorders, as I don't consider those a character flaw.

The Good (aka little flaw):

Absent-minded, aimless, argumentative, audacious, awkward, blunt, bold, boring, capricious, childish, clumsy, competitive, complainer, cowardly, critical directionally-challenged, dubious, finicky, fixated, flake, flirty, foolish, gossipy, gruff, gullible, hedonistic, humourless, hypocritical, idealist, idiotic, ignorant, illiterate, immature, impatient, impetuous, impulsive, incompetent, inconsiderate, indecisive, indifferent, indomitable, irrational, lazy, lustful, materialistic, meddlesome, meek, mischievious, nagging, naive, nervous, nosey, obnoxious, overambitious, overconfident, overemotional, overprotective, overzealous, passive-aggressive, paranoid, peevish, perfectionist, pessimist, pest, predicatable, pretencious, prideful, rebellious, renege, rigorous, sarcastic, skeptic, seducer, selfish, self-righteous, shallow, slacker, solemn, spacey, spoild, squeamish, stubborn, supersticious, sycophant, tactless, tease, tempermental, tenacious, theatrical, thoughtless, timid, unpredictable, unsupportive, vain, workaholic

The Bad (aka big flaw):

Addiction, adulterous, aloof, anxious, apathetic, arrogant, belittling, belligerent, bigmouth, bitter, bully, callous, deceptive, dependant, deranged, dishonest, disloyal, disrespectful, egotistical, envious, erratic, exploitive, fanatical, fickle, fierce (at the extreme), gluttonous, greedy, harasser, hubris, impious, infamy, intolerant, judgemental, lewd, liar, meglomaniac, morally grey, narcissistic, negligent, obsequious, obsessive, offensive, prejudiced, quixotic, reckless, rigid, self-martyr, self-righteous, short-tempered, spiteful, squanderer, stingy, unethical, unforgiving, untrustworthy

The Ugly (aka cross the street when you see this person):

Abusive, bigot, controlling, cruel, explosive, immoral, inhumane, intolerant, machiavellian, manipulative, murderous, neglectful, oppressive, racist, remorseless, possessive, self-destructive, threatening, treacherous, vengeful, vindictive, violent

The seven chief features of ego: self-deprecation, self-destruction, martyrdom, stubbornness, greed, arrogance and impatience.

Some of these may not even be considered flaws, and some may jump from one category to the next. It's all about how you present these flaws in your characters.

Have any more to add? Did you find this useful? Let me know down in the comments :)

[celestie0]

hi friends, i won’t be posting or updating any of my works for an indefinite period n will be on hiatus from this blog as well.

i’ve unlisted kickoff & ihm on ao3 (haven’t deleted, they’ve just been made private) and i’ve unpinned my masterlist here on tumblr (again nothing’s been deleted so you could probably find the chapters if you searched my tags)

but the reason i did that is because i don’t want any new readers finding my works during my hiatus because i don’t want to potentially upset more people in the event that, during this hiatus, i decide that i would no longer like to write my fics

that would be an insanely sad decision to make. i put so much thought into my stories not because i am trying to make them entertaining, but it’s because they genuinely mean so much to me and are cathartic in ways i can’t describe. i have spent a great majority of my life self negating for the sake of others, and so writing was just a form of expression where i could talk about all the things i’ve suppressed over the years - anxiety, career stress, financial stress, avoidance, depression, loss, coming of age, navigating love, etc

but lately, and i do think it’s been a build up of just some careless words from a handful of people over the months, i find myself steering towards a practice of writing that is no longer asking the question “how can i put as much of myself in this piece as possible?” but rather “how can i make sure people won’t criticize this…i feel awful that it doesn’t have what they want it to have…other creators are doing xyz, should i be doing that too?…i’m just scared to share this”

not exactly sure when that shift in headspace began, but as of right now, it’s as strong as ever. and i understand that those questions may seem irrational, and i just have to try to not focus on the feeling, n i wish i was someone that could compartmentalize those thoughts better, but here’s the thing — the whole reason i started expressing myself through writing in the first place was because i’ve spent my whole life compartmentalizing. it would feel so ironic & untrue to the lessons i’ve learned in this journey if i just chose to “suck this up” and continue pushing forward until i reach a point of burnout simply because i don’t want to upset anyone

i’m really sorry i couldn’t focus on the positive. especially with all the insane n incredible amount of love n support i’ve received for my works. i’ve said this time n time again but when i started posting kickoff to ao3 back in january of this year, i had NO idea it would be this loved by so many people…i was like ok can’t wait to interact w these four readers for the rest of the year…and then BAM, i find myself fully sobbing after each chapter update because i was so touched by all the sweet n kind words. i don’t want this decision to come off in a way that makes it seems like i don’t love u guys sm or that i’m ungrateful — i’ve always taken pride in respecting my audience. even for a simple hobby, i try to put effort into my works. i proofread, i plan out, i edit in length, all because i am, well, for one, i’m a bit of a perfectionist LOL but also i think there’s a great deal of honor in respecting an audience that gives you their time n attention

but i already am struggling in my life to focus on the positive. medicine has been such an incredibly daunting career to pursue, i’m honestly only doing slightly better now because i’m just filled with relief that i got into med school to begin with lol it’s still surreal to me, so the stress has been kinda manageable so far on that sense of optimism, but dear god the shit i went through to get here…and the shit i know i still face ahead of me. i spend all of my serotonin on trying to stay positive in the face of my responsibilities. so all of this time i’ve spent trying to stay positive for the sake of my stories too has just left me with so much exhaustion — i just don’t see why posting my works should be anything less than fun and endlessly exciting when it’s a hobby that’s supposed to help me thru the actual brunt of life.

anyways, i’m getting a little carried away here. all this to say, i just need to take time away from posting my works so i can see writing as something for myself n not for others again. i don’t want the thoughts swimming in my head to be thoughts of anxiety over people potentially criticizing me n my creative decisions. i want the thoughts in my head to once again be positive, excited, and nurturing towards my stories. i don’t see how i can accomplish that at this point unless i start writing for myself once more, and not for others

i still have a great deal of passion to write, which is why i haven’t formally taken down my works. i anticipate that i may be able to come back in the future to share my writing again. but as of right now, i just want to heal the relationship that i have with this hobby, and i feel like that’s gotta happen in private (lmfao it sounds like im tryna freak my writing)

i’m sorry that i turned off my asks n my replies, i know so many of u care about me n want to support me n i just am beyond thankful. i don’t anticipate this is a forever goodbye, but i do just need some time rn away from all of this.

hope u all have a happy time!! and take care of yourselves :) much love

- ellie

[unboundprompts]

Thank you so much for your blog! It's so neatly organized, it's lovely to read. It takes a lot of commitment to do detail every post and still constantly update, and I'm very grateful for you <3

I was wondering if you could write tips+prompts for a paranoid character?

Thank you again 😺

Thank you for the kind words!! That means a lot :)

How to Write a Paranoid Character

-> sources: mind.org , betterhealth.vic.gov

Paranoia is the irrational and persistent feeling that people are "out to get you."

Things that Make Paranoia More Likely:

Having confusing or unsettling experiences or feelings that you can't easily explain.

If you are anxious or worried a lot or have low self-esteem and expect others to criticize or reject you.

If you tend to come to conclusions quickly, believe things very strongly, and don't easily change your mind.

If you are isolated.

If you have experienced trauma in the past.

Things that may Contribute to Paranoid Thoughts:

Life experiences. You are more likely to experience paranoid thoughts when you are in vulnerable, isolated or stressful situations that could lead to you feeling negative about yourself.

Experiences in your childhood may lead you to believe that the world is unsafe or make you mistrustful and suspicious of others. These experiences may also affect your self-esteem and the way you think as an adult.

If you experience anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem, you may be more likely to experience paranoid thoughts.

Paranoia is sometimes a symptom of certain physical illnesses such as Huntington's disease, Parkinson's disease, strokes, Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia. Hearing loss can also trigger paranoid thoughts in some people.

Lack of sleep can trigger feelings of insecurity and even unsettling feelings and hallucinations. Fears and worries may develop late at night.

Recreational drugs may trigger paranoia, such as cocaine, cannabis, alcohol, ecstasy, LSD, and amphetamines. This may happen particularly if you're already feeling low, anxious or experiencing other mental health problems.

Research has suggested that genes may affect whether you are more likely to develop paranoia.

Symptoms of Paranoia:

being easily offended

finding it difficult to trust others

not coping with any type of criticism

assigning harmful meanings to other people's remarks

being always on the defensive

being hostile, aggressive, and argumentative

not being able to compromise

finding it difficult (or impossible) to "forgive and forget"

assuming that people are talking ill of them behind their back

being overly suspicious

not being able to confide in anyone

finding relationships difficult

considering the world to be a place of constant threat

feeling persecuted by the world at large

believing in unfounded conspiracy theories

Writing Prompts for a Paranoid Person

-> feel free to edit and adjust pronouns as you see fit.

Everyone was against him. No one liked to see him succeed and so they were doing everything in their power to stop him.

People were talking about her behind her back. They would whisper as she walked by, and their laughter would echo in her ears as she got further from them.

"You never believe me!" They wailed, pointing an accusing finger at their friend. "You wouldn't get it! You don't know what it's like to be hated by everyone!"

He laid in bed, staring at the ceiling and wide awake. It was a nightly routine, at this point. He could never bring himself to close his eyes. There were too many things going on his head, too many things that only made him dread when morning came.

Everything was about to go so wrong so fast, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. The impending doom beat down on her shoulders, reminding her that she was not okay. She was not safe.

They couldn't stop fidgeting with their hands. It used to offer some form of comfort, but not anymore. How could it when the whole world is against you?

They were looking at him. They were watching his every move. He was being tracked. Studied. Something was going to happen. Something bad. Something he wasn't prepared for. What could he do to be prepared?

"You think I'm crazy, but I'm not! You'll see."

If you like what I do and want to support me, please consider buying me a coffee! I also offer editing services and other writing advice on my Ko-fi! Become a member to receive exclusive content, early access, and prioritized writing prompt requests.

[tozettastone]

AKATSUKI RANKED BY PARENTING SKILLS

First, an honourable mention goes to Orochimaru, who would win this ranking effortlessly but who is no longer part of the Akatsuki.

10. Zetsu is more or less disqualified because he reproduces by creating exact clones of himself. You are his clone, and you are the parent and the parented, the sibling, the self; sometimes all of the above all at once. Don't worry about it.

9. Hidan finds his kid fascinating and funny as fuck. Irrational tantrums about being handed an object they desperately wanted 3 minutes ago? He's laughing. Cute questions about the nature of society that Hidan has never once contemplated the answers to? So funny! Breaking their arm for the sixth time? Absolutely hilarious. The problem with Hidan is that being charmed and amused, and indeed feeling genuine affection, will in no way prevent him from exploring the outer limits of your capacity for suffering, and this only gets worse the more responsible for you he is. He loves you a lot and you will not survive to adulthood.

8. Sasori is adequate at servicing a child's basic needs for care and keeping. He is not a demonstrative parent but he is surprisingly receptive to a child's displays of affection and rarely turns them away. They remind him of his own relationship with his parents — his first foray into his craft, in which he preserved their bodies and made them embrace him as he imagined parents ought to. He understands the emotional component to development with his current, synthetic detachment. He is not very patient, and he's prone to just intervening in your brain chemistry when you frustrate him, which is not a great way to live. The other problem with Sasori as a parent, of course, is that at every moment he feels a sliver of affection for you, he contemplates whether it would be worth it to preserve that "you" forever. Eventually, the clockwork in his head will tick over, and you'll become the most beloved puppet in his collection.

7. Kakuzu swings between strict and angry at some times, and flatly indifferent at others; he's strict and angry when his emotions are engaged, which he hates, and combats with icy apathy. Sometimes he will be angry and indifferent about exactly the same topics on different days. This is a man who will hit a kid for not magically knowing something that he, their only parent, should have been the one to teach them about. He is at his best when he can be a mostly-benign acquaintance in his child's life. The single saving grace with Kakuzu is that you can just leave and he will take months to come after you, if he ever does. Don't expect a birthday card.

6. Itachi is utterly unprepared to be the carer for a child but approaches it with the same steady and dubiously-deserved self confidence with which he approaches everything. He is sometimes affectionate, but he is also relentlessly critical and he will use genjutsu torments as a "harmless" parenting tool, because they are obviously less damaging than corporeal punishment. (It has not occurred to him that a zero-violence approach to child rearing might be, theoretically, possible.) His expectations will only rise over time as he comes to like you better, and his treatment of you will become correspondingly harsher. Expect to jump at shadows until you're 39 and sobbing into your therapist's rug. On this list, you could do worse, but I can't help but feel that regularly obliterating a child's trust in the basic tenets of reality is courting a really severe mental illness.

5. Tobi will have a nervous breakdown about his fitness for interpersonal attachments, which he won't acknowledge as a nervous breakdown. He will then respond with complete mental and emotional detachment from his child, strap them to him in a sling and carry them through Akatsuki missions. Their crying will cause a stealth-based plan to fail, multiple times. Tobi will performatively panic every time they cry, and he will play with them any time they like — all the better if it annoys everyone around him. The problems start when you get older and can speak, which is about when it becomes steadily less convenient for him to treat you as a prop in his bizarre fantasy theatre. The more articulate you become, the less interested Tobi is. Where did his cute baby go? :( Expect a relatively physically safe but unstable childhood, oscillating between overwhelming, intense, nonsensical and occasionally cruel parental attention and complete absence. You will learn not to rely on other people for anything, and to tense up whenever someone says they love you.

4. Deidara has absolutely no desire to be responsible for ANY human being, including, often, himself. He resents every second of time your existence steals away from himself and his own projects, and although he intellectually understands that a child can't help needing stuff, he really does regard it as stealing from him. You're a gross, hooked little knife in his side, tugging him away from thoughts of himself and his art. He can't wait until you're old enough to leave on your own for long periods of time, and as he's a shinobi, he thinks "old enough," is, like, maybe five. Expect a short, disrupted childhood full of terse lessons in how not to get blown up today, followed by trying very, very hard to avoid daddy's attention. On the other hand, this is a parent who does not want to give you any attention, which, on this list, can only be an advantage. I can't believe this is number 4.

3. Nagato tries his best but childhood is where the trauma lives, and so every childhood milestone hits him with a rush of agonising memories like a lightning strike. You will become a proxy for him in his haphazard efforts to reparent himself, and he will be equally upset if you're exactly like him OR if you're totally different to him. You will never fully understand his relationship with himself and he will never understand that he's meant to be cultivating a relationship with you. Still, you could do worse.

2. Konan is a composed parent. She manages her own fears and anxieties with icy repression, and that's also her approach to the loving attachments of parenthood. Her child will be clean, educated, fed and sheltered appropriately at all times, but there has never once been an emotional need Konan has indulged. You will develop a deeply anxious attachment style and become a serial monogamist who is furious that nobody can live up to your expectations and terrified that the problem is you. (It is.)

1. Kisame does not wait until six months to give his baby water and he has a worryingly permissive approach to child safety in general. He puts up with pretty much any behavioural problem with steady I've-seen-it-all equanimity — except when his child is lying to his face, which is basically his single, glowing berserk button as an authority figure. He cares about his kid and will generally view them as a person and not as some kind of psychosocial manifestation of his own mental illness at least 50% of the time, which is why he wins the top spot on this cursed list. Kisame will tell you stories about how you must have eaten all your siblings in the womb to be born at all, and that means you're already the strongest possible kid he could have had. This is intended to be encouraging. Roll with it, dude. You could have got Hidan.

[twistyfish]

prompt~ rafayel fluff -> angst where he’s rude and apologizes after. requested by anon!

“Why did you paint my acne scars so clearly?”

“Because they’re on your face!”

While you were normally impressed by Rafayel’s attention to detail, today it was making you very self conscious. “Was there really a reason to include them, though? They’re temporary marks that aren’t a part of me. And you literally drew the individual pores on my nose- Raf, this is so unflattering.”

“Quit micromanaging me. Art isn’t supposed to judge itself, you know.”

You huffed at his response. “But art is supposed to be pretty. This is not pretty. It’s uncanny. It looks too much like me, I don’t like it.”

He chuckled. “You don’t like that the portrait I’m painting of you looks like you? You’re so interesting, cutie.”

“Stop, you know what I mean.”

He didn’t turn his head, but his gaze flitted to meet yours before returning to the canvas. “Just trust me. I know what I’m doing.”

You watched the brush flutter around the canvas like moth wings, leaving intricate strokes in its wake. As Rafayel became more engrossed in his process, you left him to work and went out with a few girls from your team.

You had a nice time catching up with them and getting coffee. Well, two of you got coffee and Tara got hot chocolate.

When you returned a few hours later, he was staring at the painting with a look of intense scrutiny. You walked up to him quietly.

A little too quietly, because when you put a hand on his shoulder, he tensed and his paintbrush created a small splotch on the canvas mid-stroke.

“Oh! I’m sorr-“ you started, but he cut you off.

“Are you kidding me? I just finished painting that section.”

Your heart sank a little. You felt genuinely apologetic. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“I don’t care what you meant to do. You ruined it. There’s a huge smudge over the nose.” His shoulders were tense, and he was holding himself more rigidly than he had been when you left.

“Raf, I think you should take a break.”

“Oh, so just because I’m upset that you interfered with my painting, I’m being irrational?”

“That’s not what I-“

“Don’t think I didn’t notice. The spot where you made me mess up is right on top of the part you didn’t like. If you’re that insecure, you shouldn’t have asked me to paint you.”

Your mouth opened slightly. “What?” You said harshly.

“You heard me. Why ask me to paint your face if you’re going to criticize me every step of the way?”

“Stop. I accidentally startled you and you made a mistake because of it. Are you seriously accusing me of sabotaging your painting because of that?”

“Maybe.”

You stared at him blankly. “I can’t believe you.”

“I can’t believe you either.”

You shook your head and picked up your bag, walking toward the exit. You weren’t going to argue with him like this.

Your mind spun. Why was he acting like this?

Fortunately, he seemed to come to his senses fast because you didn’t even make it halfway home before the phone rang. You accepted the call half heartedly.

“Hey,” his voice rang through the phone.

“Hi,” you said with a flat tone.

“I’m a dick.”

“Yeah, you are.”

“I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have called you insecure and I shouldn’t have accused you of anything. I’m the one who messed up.”

“It’s not a huge deal, but yeah, you shouldn’t have.”

“No, it was unnecessary. And what I said about me not painting you? That was stupid. I love painting you. I would paint you all day if I could. I can’t capture your likeness perfectly, but trying to recreate that radiance makes me so, so happy.”

Your lips spread into a smile hearing that. “Really?”

“Really. I got too defensive over my art of you, but that wasn’t cool because I snapped at the real you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Raf. I forgive you.”

“Yay!”

[punksocks]

Astrology Observations: No.29

*only based on my observations, only take what resonates

(Oml I didn’t realize that I haven’t written out a proper observations post since May?? I’m so sorry y’all life has been crazy b u s y and the world has been on fire due to colonialism, but I’m going to write more again 🙃 I love astrology but existence is wild y’all)

-I had a client say Geminis always get Gemini tattoos.. while getting a Gemini tattoo lol (and they were right!!) (Leo suns are second most likely imo)

-mutable venuses like changes in fashion a lot, they tend to go through fashion phases



-Every Pisces sun I’ve met has said they don’t really like being a Pisces at least once. Which is so interesting because Pisces sun isn’t a placement in determent, Libra is ! And I think 9 times out of 10 Libras will say they love being Libras (or it’s a huge part of their personality fr)

-My favorite thing I’ve heard from a Libra sun I knew was that they hated doing all of the things that made them appear socially functional so I said “why do you do it? why not just stop doing what you hate?” and they just looked blank like they couldn’t even imagine not conforming (even though they were an aqua moon)

-Ok so I’ve been wondering why I’ve had repetitive instances of some people being passive aggressive and w e i r d at my main job when I literally own the business and I’m their boss?? But it’s that Lilith in 10th. No one is neutral about your energy and you can rub folks the wrong way just by minding your business. I don’t like it but especially at work bc I’m a Capricorn and this isn’t productive >:/ lol

-Oh another Lilith touching Asc observation is when people start a conversation with me like 60-75% of the time they try to challenge me or ask lowkey rude questions (sneak diss shit lol) like 3 different people asked me what tattoo I regret the most and I was like ??? Hello? Who are you? Lol these streets oml…

-cancer placements can be really centered on defending their self, their perspective, their family, their community (they don’t have to be but it can be a common trait). I just noticed the pattern after ages of wondering why cancer was associated with nationalism on a wide scale. (Pluto in Cancer generation and the rise in nationalism after ww2 for example)

-I feel like Sagittarius placements (especially the big 3) will always be ready to do something new and life changing at any age (moving abroad, going on vacation and exploring new places, getting their first tattoo, anything that seems like it’ll open the door to a set of new experiences)

-Strong mars and mercury energy can make someone brutal in arguments (air mars, Virgo and Gemini mars, even Kendrick is an example he destroyed Drake- and Kendrick has mars conjunct Mercury and a Gemini sun)

-Sag Venus culture is being clingy because you need a lot of attention/stimulation and suddenly ditching when you don’t get enough attention/stimulation to keep your interest 🥴 (even more with sag mars since they’re action oriented, they’re in the same camp imo lol)

-I blame America’s Aquarius moon for the cultural phobia of being too “irrational” or “emotionally expressive” ….while being known as being too passionate and irrational in many non US cultures (also the US and the emotional detachment for the sake of “progress”, dark side of this placement but thematic nonetheless)

-imo when sun’s transiting your Lilith you can feel like a lot of attention is on you, sometimes good but often pretty scrutinizing. I also feel like you can achieve some impossible things during this transit due to Lilith’s energy (she’s built for rebellion, so when a lot of criticism is pointed her way she finds an unconventional way to come out on top)

-I have so much writing to do but if there are specific placements you want me to do observations on, let me know in the comments and my inbox!

[tealvenetianmask]

Loona understands Blitz better than anyone.

Blitz has a hard shell to crack. Actually, one of the things I love about Helluva Boss is how even though Blitz is a super loud, silly, obnoxious character, we gradually get to know the layers underneath that front and love him more each time one is lifted. I think the fact that we, as the audience, experience that shell, is one of the reasons why some viewers don't like him or get impatient with not knowing everything about what goes on in his mind.

Anyway, the other characters get to know different sides of him, but I think that Loona might be the best authority on the "many moods of Blitz." Let me explain.

Loona understands that Blitz has mental health issues. He gets upset and lashes out and then he bounces back. There's security in knowing that he's always going to bounce back.

The writers actually use Loona to teach us this about him early on. Loona's not . . . unbothered . . . by her fight with her dad in Spring Broken. But we learn that it's happened before, probably OFTEN, and that it's a pattern. He acts out emotionally- gets angry, irrational, out of control, and then he recovers and gets back to his fun, enthusiastic, determined self.

We get a very similar moment in Queen Bee.

We don't know what conversations they've actually had, but I think that Loona knows very little about the actual sources of Blitz's trauma. But she knows that he's seriously damaged, and at the same time, incredibly resilient.

Probably more importantly, Loona understands that Blitz cares deeply.

I bring out this Truth Seekers moment to point out that Loona knows that Blitz takes the I.M.P. gang's safety seriously and trusts him to make these difficult calls. Where Blitz might often SEEM careless or impulsive, Loona knows that, fundamentally, he's always looking out for his employees and can make reliable decisions for them in life or death situations.

Okay, Seeing Stars.

Look at this look of confusion when Blitz tells Loona that he "might" replace her.

So . . . obviously Loona is pissed off about getting criticism here, but she's shaken out of her rage and utterly baffled when it comes down to the possibility of actually getting fired. Because in their relationship, Blitz is solid. He offers stability in a world where Loona knew nothing of the sort before her adoption. She knows he would never fire her, throw her out, or anything of the sort. And Blitz usually sides with her over Moxxie. So what gives . . .?

Ultimately, once she reflects, Loona has no fear at all that Blitz will abandon her.

It doesn't get any clearer than this. While Loona gives Octavia advice, she's obviously reflecting on her relationship with Blitz and understanding that beyond all the mistakes and neuroses and fuck-ups and shouting matches, Blitz is truly there for her and that care is not going anywhere.

So . . . what will this mean going forward? I don't know, but my takeaway is this.

Blitz is someone who doesn't necessarily say how he truly feels (more often than not, he avoids it and might not even know himself). He shows how he feels through his actions more than his words. Loona acts fairly annoyed when Blitz makes a show of being affectionate toward her . . . the security Loona feels about Blitz depends on him SHOWING her again and again that his care for her is genuine.

Will she give other characters (M&M? Stolas?) some insights to help them understand Blitz better? It's possible. Or they could look more closely at his actions. Or he could learn to express himself properly . . . that would be a big development. But Loona has definitely helped the audience figure him out.

[furiousgoldfish]

(tw mentions of physical abuse, essay about life after abuse)

Imagine a kid who is forced to work, in a room where they're being kicked while they work. It doesn't happen all the time, but often enough that they know to expect to be kicked while they work. If they refuse to work, abuse gets worse, so the least painful thing they can do is work and endure being kicked.

Eventually, the kid escapes. Now they're in a situation where they need to work to earn income to survive. They only know the one job they did while being kicked, so thats what they do. They find themselves in a room, and as they work, their stomach clenches. They're looking around anxiously, expecting to be kicked. It doesn't happen, but people are walking by, and some of them come too close, and it feels like a kick is about to happen. 

They flinch every time and are met with bewilderment, offense, sometimes ridicule for being paranoid. But they can't help it. Being kicked is all they know. Every time it doesn't happen, it feels like a cruel joke, a prank that is being played, a game. A setup to make them feel stupid for imagining they wont get kicked.

From the outside, it looks normal. Nobody is kicking them, nobody is doing any harm to them. Other people must wonder why are they flinching. Why are their reactions bizarre. It comes off weird. Self obsessed. They hold this view of themselves in their mind, because they had to view themselves from others point of view for self preservation. They know they're only viewed critically and try their best to offer a good preformance of normalcy. But it does nothing to change the fear or the pain they feel. They assume its irrational and illogical to feel this, since nobody else seems to be ecperiencing that.

They're no longer being kicked, but they're still in the environment where nobody cares what they're going trough. They do not receive any warmth, concern or understanding; they're unable to connect with anyone in their environment due to differences in life experience. They don't get a chance at bonding or having a community. They're in a sea of impassive strangers, all one their own.

They have no way of asserting their emotions because they're foreign and unrelatable to everyone else. The dissaproval, misunderstandings and judgments fall heavy on their heart, feel li.ke a punishment. They cannot even acknowledge that others around them get acceptance, community, connections and approval, because that concept is unexperienced and foreign to them. They cannot see they're at a disadvantage, and not standing on equal grounds. They feel shame for not managing their situation better, while being an outcast.

And in the end they wish they would just get kicked already. One reliable, predictable and constant thing in their life was replaced by endless anxious anticipation and foreign environment that brings new shame. Before, they could at least count on something, have a tangible proof of harm, know how to react, what to do. Usually after the pain would happen, there would be a few moment of relief because the worst was over and at least they could relax for a second. And their brain adapted to it, releasing relaxing chemicals only after pain, and never breaking tension otherwise.

Now there is no breaking of the tension, nobody is visibly causing pain, and they're stuck feeling anticipation and dread all of the time, coupled with a shame for so 'ičrrationally' feeling this. 

This is how it feels when abuse victims are expected to immediately function normally after escaping abuse. Being kicked is a metaphor - it could have been anything that chronically caused distress, pain and loss of control over their life.

It's unreasonable to expect someone from an extreme environment to be quickly okay. It's cruel to put them in a situation reminiscent of abuse in any way and expect them not to flinch. It's ignorant to shame them for wanting back the familiar pain, over the stressful new situation they're not equipped to handle. It's unfair to ignore their disadvantage and act like anyone could be okay without any warmth, connection, understanding or community just because they're not being kicked anymore. Most people would collapse without all that. 

It gets worse before it gets better after escaping abuse. It doesn't mean it was wrong to escape, or that victims can't learn to function. Victims are often going above and beyond to make it, and are rewarded for it by being forced to see themselves trough the eyes of society that judges them for being set up to fail.

It will get better. Your brain can and will adapt. You will gain experiences that will allow you to have things in commom with others. You won't have to feel inadequate or ashamed forever. Especially if you can be in a room with people who understand what was done to you, and will not put you in a situation where you have to wonder when a kick is coming.

[ch6douin]

> Dᴇᴠᴏᴛɪᴏɴ. — IDV! SELF AWARE AU (5)

THIS IS PART FIVE OF MY IDV!SELF AWARE AU! I love this au but i cannot bring myself to do anything other than brainrot every single day. i would love to hear brainrots, feedbacks or anything related to this au in my askbox, so feel free to mark your presence there.

cw: obsessive behavior; mentions of feeling/being watched; romantic someway; religious behavior; idk what else

Fiona loved the mystic. That's something not so surprising as she was given the title of a Priestess. She swore upon the Lakeside Village to adore the one and only Yog Sothoth, to be worthy of his blessings.

But she's incapable of escaping from this manor and honoring his name properly, incapable of escaping from you.

She knows you, to a certain extent because of the gossip and whispers around the survivors but you know her all too well, every single flaw and trait. Her devotion to Yog Sothoth didn't budge at that time, since at the end of the day, Fiona did not acknowledge you.

Skepticism could be her middle name, scripted to be deep into her heart, protecting it from any dangers. But you sneaked in, clueless of your effect on her. And so suddenly, her offerings to Yog Sothoth lacked sincerity.

She doesn't want to...be like this, be indecisive, she always criticized one for such weakness. But every time she thinks about choosing between you and the eldritch god, she is sent into a spiral of sentiments and beliefs, and anxiety settles deep within her bones. You're taking up too much space inside her, and she can't do anything besides hope that you give her enough room for breathing.

Yog Sothoth's presence is cold as ice and almost frightening, it is something Fiona thought that she was used to it. But she got way too comfortable with the feeling of your unique presence, safe as the embrace of a lover. It makes her dizzy, her heart is filled with tenderness but her brain tugs on it like a warning. Sometimes, it makes her sick in the stomach to sense that she failed to do something simple as to follow one god.

Little by little, her makeshift shrine with tons of trinkets for the ancient god is emptied. The overwhelming amount of items almost spilling out from the shrine are nowhere to be seen. Her loud murmurs from her requests to "Hastur" that every survivor could hear when passing by her door (which for a curious motive, is filled with thick locks and chains) are nothing now but a faint whisper of your name, so silent and soothing as if she is afraid to startle you or make you annoyed by her wishes. But did you hear her prayers? You must have, she likes to believe you do. That's the only explanation for her wardrobe full of luxurious clothes and accessories, silky materials that she would never even dream about touching.

She dreams of you, every night. It must be because she thinks about you almost all the time, but she fools herself into thinking it's you infesting her dreams despite the mindset being incredibly irrational. And every time you appear, her brain creates an individual that could only be described as breathtaking, because any idea that Fiona had about your appearance however you looked like was nothing short of ethereal, divine. She would kneel and worship you regardless of people's opinions.

The others be damned. They never gave her such a strong feeling.

And may you also give her enough patience to not wrap her fingers around that Mercenary's throat—when he stands with a look of nonchalance and crossed arms as if he didn't fuck up everything. She couldn't care less about the hint of regret in his sharp eyes, and she started blinking fast as if to dissipate the sudden urge to pounce on him. But you wouldn't want that, would you? After all, you graced him with your presence more times than one could count with their hands, even if his mouth was always kept shut, she knows because there was nothing that could justify his fidgety behavior when the subject was you.

"Any explanations for your foul behavior, Mr.Subedar?" Just like him, her arms are folded tightly on her chest as she spits out her words, cutting through the palpable tension in the room. And by the way he looks at her through the corner of his eye, she really has the impression of not even deserving his attention.

"It's simple, I don't trust them." Indeed, a simple and short answer followed by his thick accent doesn't satisfy Fiona that much. But that's just Naib Subedar, the mercenary is always stubborn and will feed you nothing but crumbles of information until you go crazy for good.

"Oh for god's sake. You don't trust anyone, Subedar." She sighs heavily, rubbing her forehead in annoyance. "The day you do, pigs might fly!" The woman walks around the dimly lit room with impatience, and he remains still as a statue. Aside from a twitch of his brows and a brief glare, there is no reaction to her words.

"Who I trust or not is none of your business, Gilman. Just like you being an obsessive freak with this person, if we can even call them that, has nothing to do with me." He is good at pretending to not be fazed as if he didn't experience goosebumps all over his body five minutes ago when he could finally hear your voice clearer than ever. And when the thought of how you looked from the other side of the screen went through his head for a fleeting second, he swears his heart rate did not increase. Why do you have this effect on him? On everyone? You were able to swoon the hearts of even the most reserved men and women in this manor, you even made him feel somehow special initially.

Emma plants flowers that you might like, Frederick and Antonio create tunes and songs inspired by you, Demi has confessed her admiration for you countless times in her drunken state—Hell, Naib is sure that he had a glimpse of Edgar Valden himself stressing over a painting and mumbling how he 'just had to see you in person, his lost muse'.

His thoughts are interrupted by a loud groan. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that for the sake of our partnership." He had hit a nerve, didn't he? It's written all across her face, eyebrows furrowed, lips in a firm line, eyelids twitching...It almost brings a smile to his lips how worked up she got. His eyes trail down to her hands for no particular reason, they are gripping her robe tightly in between her fingers.

"Whatever makes you sleep at night.." His mouth has a small pout of indifference as he shrugs, heavy boots accompany him when he walks away to finally leave and have some rest. There is nothing that he wants more than to forget about all of this for at least a few hours, that is if he doesn't end up having you appear in his dreams and waking up with wide eyes filled with evident embarrassment. Maybe he wasn't so different from the other survivors and hunters...

Twisting the doorknob and looking up through his eyelashes, much to his dismay, a person that he knows all too well stands proud. With his black and white clothes, it's Luca Balsa in the flesh. Even with the shaky postman wiping away his tear-smudged cheeks behind the prisoner's back like a shadow, his toothy grin never faltered. He must be sure of himself if he still remains unperturbed by the problems ahead. Naib steps away to give them enough space to enter the room and then vanishes without a word, not before noticing how the postman's irises followed him till he was no longer within eye's reach. If Naib was able to gain the hate of someone so calm, he indeed might be a jerk.

It doesn't take long for Luca to speak up. "Long short story, an unexpected error happened, and now no one knows how to turn it on without my help?" He's casual with it, maybe overconfident in his abilities as an inventor but some optimism was very much needed right now. After all, he should not disappoint in their pursuit to contact you!

There's a short silence, followed by the loud crack of his knuckles as he takes a long stride towards the machine. "Alright, this might take some time. I recommend for you two to take a break and have a little debate with the others in the main hall. Everyone is starving for good news."

OBS: When Fiona mentions "luxury clothes" she's referring to the A/S tier costumes from the game.

naib wants u so bad bro 🤨 a lot of characters may appear next chapter but of course half of it may be a little more luca centered, and maybe if i make it long enough we will come back to reader's pov😆

[cardiac-arresting-sweetheart]

Yandere Enneagram: The 27 Tritypes

please reblog. i'm begging you. this took 4 hours... open this link for the google document version open this link for the personality test for this system

Overview

Inspired by Enneagram Tritypes, I made this yandere theory system! It's just for fun, but feel free to type yourself or characters in it.

This is based on the idea that there are 3 centers to the Enneagram: the gut, the head, and the heart. They're made up of the 8, 9, 1, then 5, 6, 7, and 2, 3, 4 types respectively. The tritype is then all of the traits of one type from each center combined.

Some of the traits are negative and may not apply to a more healthy yandere, while some might be too positive for a more unhealthy yandere. It cannot describe the yandere 100% accurately, however, it can give a good description of their behavior.

The explanations will be explained in how each type interacts with each other in the tritype.

Terms

Core: Your main type.

Fix: Your secondary/tertiary type, one of the other 2 numbers in your tritype besides your core.

125 - The Guardian Angel

1+2: ♡ Stressed about darling's safety ♡ "I CAN FIX THEM" ♡ Critical ♡ Has a very specific ideal for darling ♡ Attracted to troubled darlings ♡ Feels like it's only right to interfere with darling's life, whatever that means to them ♡ Self-righteous ♡ Martyr ♡ Needs validation from darling despite how they may act ♡ Acts of service ♡ 1 fix can help core 2 be more careful about their actions/be more rational ♡ 2 fix can help core 1 be less brash and more emotionally comforting

1+5: ♡ Very meticulous ♡ A planner and a stalker ♡ Still somewhat critical despite idealizing nature of 5 fix ♡ Struggles with the touchy-feely part of relationship ♡ Often too cold ♡ Emotionally aloof ♡ Especially intimidating when angry ♡ Curious about darling ♡ Can seem like they're interrogating darling at times with their curiosity ♡ Perfectionist ♡ 5 fix can help 1 core see darling less critically ♡ 1 fix can help 5 core be more persistent and less susceptible to surrender

2+5: ♡ Needs alone time despite craving attention from darling ♡ Covert obsession ♡ Would set up cameras in darling's room and/or watch them at all times ♡ Needs to know they're safe and content ♡ Asks darling so many questions and wants to know exactly how they feel ♡ Keeps their true intentions hidden ♡ Interested in darling's connections with other people ♡ Likes to give advice to darling and to be of service ♡ Really, really loves analyzing darling ♡ Love letters and love poetry enjoyer ♡ 2 fix can help 5 core interact with darling more ♡ 5 fix can help 2 core become less suffocating to darling

126 - The Martyr

1+2: ♡ Stressed about darling's safety ♡ "I CAN FIX THEM" ♡ Critical ♡ Has a very specific ideal for darling ♡ Attracted to troubled darlings ♡ Feels like it's only right to interfere with darling's life, whatever that means to them ♡ Self-righteous ♡ Martyr ♡ Needs validation from darling despite how they may act ♡ Acts of service ♡ 1 fix can help core 2 be more careful about their actions/be more rational ♡ 2 fix can help core 1 be less brash and more emotionally comforting

1+6: ♡ Very strict ♡ Wants to be aware of what darling is doing, not out of curiosity like 5, but out of fear ♡ Rigid expectations; will panic if they fail to follow their expectations or act differently ♡ Extremely controlling due to need for security and ♡ Criticism + paranoia = becomes very angry if they see something "wrong" with darling ♡ Imagines problems that don't exist and becomes upset about them ♡ Especially hateful of everyone darling interacts with ♡ 1 fix can help core 6 focus on an ideal and focus on something rather than irrational anxieties ♡ 6 fix can help core 1 be less harsh and more lovey-dovey

2+6: ♡ Strong desire to be of service to darling ♡ Most anxious about making a mistake and hurting darling rather than helping ♡ Hates hates hates being alone and separated from darling the most; most clingy and needy ♡ Needs security and plenty of "I love you"s ♡ Needy. Did I mention needy? ♡ Forgets their own needs and instead focuses on darling's ♡ Needs to be important to darling ♡ Becomes very flustered and upset if they don't know how to help darling ♡ Hates it when other people help darling with anything ♡ Often self-sacrifical for darling but not humble about it, at least not internally ♡ 6 fix can help 2 core be more understanding of darling and think things through more carefully rather than only seeking affection; helps 2 be more thoughtful ♡ 2 fix can help 6 core feel more of a specific purpose, to help darling

127 - The Savior

1+2: ♡ Stressed about darling's safety ♡ "I CAN FIX THEM" ♡ Critical ♡ Has a very specific ideal for darling ♡ Attracted to troubled darlings ♡ Feels like it's only right to interfere with darling's life, whatever that means to them ♡ Self-righteous ♡ Martyr ♡ Needs validation from darling despite how they may act ♡ Acts of service ♡ 1 fix can help core 2 be more careful about their actions/be more rational ♡ 2 fix can help core 1 be less brash and more emotionally comforting

1+7: ♡ Very idealistic ♡ Focused on a dream/perfect world ♡ Serious but also enthusiastic ♡ Can get quickly bored of darlings if they aren't "good enough" ♡ Loves giving gifts to darling ♡ Unpredictable emotions; prone to anger issues ♡ Unpredictable and somewhat random in general despite desire for structure and control; 7 conflicts with 1 ♡ Likes to plan trips and dates in detail ♡ Romanticizes darling and gets upset if they don't match the ideal they have for them ♡ Desires perfection ♡ In love with the idea of darling ♡ 7 fix can help 1 core be less strict, demanding, and critical ♡ 1 fix can help 7 core focus and be more structured

2+7: ♡ Very social, even with those that aren't darling (but especially with darling) ♡ Possibly a bit delusional in likely thinking that darling is obsessed with them as well ♡ Friendly and upbeat ♡ More likely to compromise with others that get in their way of darling rather than act in a manner that is emotionally-charged ♡ Manipulative; love-bombs darling and even others ♡ Likes messing with darling and teasing them ♡ Extremely affectionate ♡ Probably enjoys physical touch ♡ Fantasizes about saving darling from danger ♡ 2 fix can help core 7 be more caring about darling's wellbeing ♡ 7 fix can help core 2 relax

135 - The Perfectionist

1+3: ♡ Strong desire to have a positive image of and with darling ♡ Needs a perfect relationship ♡ 2 wing is especially likely to sabotage darling then try to "fix" things ♡ Needs... everything to be perfect ♡ Sensitive ♡ Will completely break down if darling criticizes them; more likely sadly if 3 core, more likely angrily if 1 core ♡ Identifies with relationship with darling ♡ Expects darling and themself to be perfect ♡ Especially critical of who darling associates with ♡ Stressed out ♡ Perfectionist ♡ Works hard to please darling, especially with 2 wing ♡ Likely to see darling as lesser and like a pet or toy to them ♡ 1 fix can help core 3 control darling ♡ 3 fix can help core 1 consider the view of other people rather than only their own

1+5: ♡ Very meticulous ♡ A planner and a stalker ♡ Still somewhat critical despite idealizing nature of 5 fix ♡ Struggles with the touchy-feely part of relationship ♡ Often too cold ♡ Emotionally aloof ♡ Especially intimidating when angry ♡ Curious about darling ♡ Can seem like they're interrogating darling at times with their curiosity ♡ Perfectionist ♡ 5 fix can help 1 core see darling less critically ♡ 1 fix can help 5 core be more persistent and less susceptible to surrender

3+5: ♡ Arrogant about how well they "know" darling ♡ Intelligent ♡ Meticulous and careful ♡ Stalker but likes to be a little fun with it ♡ Would secretly give possibly creepy gifts to darling ♡ Likes to look good for darling but is less flashy than a 3+7 for example ♡ Strong mask around everyone but especially darling ♡ Fearful of vulnerability ♡ Puts a barrier between themself and darling ♡ Fear of failure ♡ 3 fix can help 5 core be less reserved and act more on their desires, despite still having a mask of some kind ♡ 5 fix can help 3 core understand darling better and care more about darling rather than looking good together

136 - The Sculptor

1+3: ♡ Strong desire to have a positive image of and with darling ♡ Needs a perfect relationship ♡ 2 wing is especially likely to sabotage darling then try to "fix" things ♡ Needs... everything to be perfect ♡ Sensitive ♡ Will completely break down if darling criticizes them; more likely sadly if 3 core, more likely angrily if 1 core ♡ Identifies with relationship with darling ♡ Expects darling and themself to be perfect ♡ Especially critical of who darling associates with ♡ Stressed out ♡ Perfectionist ♡ Works hard to please darling, especially with 2 wing ♡ Likely to see darling as lesser and like a pet or toy to them ♡ 1 fix can help core 3 control darling ♡ 3 fix can help core 1 consider the view of other people rather than only their own

1+6: ♡ Very strict ♡ Wants to be aware of what darling is doing, not out of curiosity like 5, but out of fear ♡ Rigid expectations; will panic if they fail to follow their expectations or act differently ♡ Extremely controlling due to need for security and ♡ Criticism + paranoia = becomes very angry if they see something "wrong" with darling ♡ Imagines problems that don't exist and becomes upset about them ♡ Especially hateful of everyone darling interacts with ♡ 1 fix can help core 6 focus on an ideal and focus on something rather than irrational anxieties ♡ 6 fix can help core 1 be less harsh and more lovey-dovey

3+6: ♡ Cares a lot about loyalty ♡ Wants darling to pledge their loyalty to them ♡ Needs darling to show how much they love them in actions ♡ Highly dedicated to darling ♡ Insecure about how others see their relationship ♡ Shows darling off to make sure everyone knows they're together ♡ Anxious ♡ Especially anxious if they feel darling has criticized them in any way ♡ Matching pfps, layouts, outfits, etc with darling ♡ Anxious about how their darling views them; needs to be perfect ♡ Wants to be extremely talented and accomplished so darling admires them ♡ Competitive to please darling ♡ Adapts to darling's preferences like a chameleon ♡ 3 fix can help 6 core be more confident ♡ 6 fix can help 3 core think more

137 - The Idealist

1+3: ♡ Strong desire to have a positive image of and with darling ♡ Needs a perfect relationship ♡ 2 wing is especially likely to sabotage darling then try to "fix" things ♡ Needs... everything to be perfect ♡ Sensitive ♡ Will completely break down if darling criticizes them; more likely sadly if 3 core, more likely angrily if 1 core ♡ Identifies with relationship with darling ♡ Expects darling and themself to be perfect ♡ Especially critical of who darling associates with ♡ Stressed out ♡ Perfectionist ♡ Works hard to please darling, especially with 2 wing ♡ Likely to see darling as lesser and like a pet or toy to them ♡ 1 fix can help core 3 control darling ♡ 3 fix can help core 1 consider the view of other people rather than only their own

1+7: ♡ Very idealistic ♡ Focused on a dream/perfect world ♡ Serious but also enthusiastic ♡ Can get quickly bored of darlings if they aren't "good enough" ♡ Loves giving gifts to darling ♡ Unpredictable emotions; prone to anger issues ♡ Unpredictable and somewhat random in general despite desire for structure and control; 7 conflicts with 1 ♡ Likes to plan trips and dates in detail ♡ Romanticizes darling and gets upset if they don't match the ideal they have for them ♡ Desires perfection ♡ In love with the idea of darling ♡ 7 fix can help 1 core be less strict, demanding, and critical ♡ 1 fix can help 7 core focus and be more structured

3+7: ♡ Flashy ♡ Positive and optimistic about their relationship ♡ Especially wants darling to think they're cool and the best ♡ Might be fake or two-faced ♡ Can manipulate others easily ♡ Doesn't hesitate to harm others if they're in the way of their relationship with darling ♡ Romanticizes darling and their relationship ♡ Loves doing cute couple things with darling ♡ Playful, likes teasing darling ♡ Drags darling into adventures with them ♡ Struggles with vulnerability ♡ Has a "mask" or false self ♡ 3 fix can help 7 core focus more on one darling rather than bouncing around as much ♡ 7 fix can help 3 core be more lovey-dovey and playful

145 - The Researcher

1+4: ♡ Most focused on darling being perfect ♡ Hates everything that isn't darling the most, finds them boring and subpar ♡ Hard to please ♡ Very particular ♡ Possibly follows religious ideals with darling ♡ Or might worship darling instead - or desire that darling worships them ♡ Harsh standards for themself ♡ 1 wants to control darling while 4 wants to simply love darling as they are ♡ Feels conflicted in how they feel about darling ♡ Manipulative ♡ Doesn't daydream as much as other 4 types and isn't as emotional; 1 stunts the dreamy, emotional part of 4 ♡ Erratic view of darling ♡ 1 fix can help 4 core romanticize things less and be more serious ♡ 4 fix can help 1 core love darling more comfortably

1+5: ♡ Very meticulous ♡ A planner and a stalker ♡ Still somewhat critical despite idealizing nature of 5 fix ♡ Struggles with the touchy-feely part of relationship ♡ Often too cold ♡ Emotionally aloof ♡ Especially intimidating when angry ♡ Curious about darling ♡ Can seem like they're interrogating darling at times with their curiosity ♡ Perfectionist ♡ 5 fix can help 1 core see darling less critically ♡ 1 fix can help 5 core be more persistent and less susceptible to surrender

4+5: ♡ Detached from actually being with darling ♡ Watches darling from afar and daydreams about them rather than acting ♡ Doubled daydreaming aspects ♡ Quiet resentment towards others in darling's life; 4, 1, or 8 core more likely to act on resentment ♡ Deeply engrossed in analyzing darling ♡ Writes and enjoys love poetry and love letters ♡ Deep down, needs words of affirmation ♡ Sees darling as perfect (unless splitting or something of the sort, as is common with 4 types...!) ♡ Quite delusional ♡ 5 fix might make 4 core a little less emotional than other 4s ♡ Bizzare-seeking ♡ Struggles to explain their feelings for darling when asked about it ♡ Somewhat dislikes simple conversation with darling; prefers deep conversations with them ♡ 4 fix can help 5 core be more likely to act, though it is still a bit detached ♡ 5 fix can help 4 core analyze darling more and see them more as a person rather than entirely as their "lover"

146 - The Philosopher

1+4: ♡ Most focused on darling being perfect ♡ Hates everything that isn't darling the most, finds them boring and subpar ♡ Hard to please ♡ Very particular ♡ Possibly follows religious ideals with darling ♡ Or might worship darling instead - or desire that darling worships them ♡ Harsh standards for themself ♡ 1 wants to control darling while 4 wants to simply love darling as they are ♡ Feels conflicted in how they feel about darling ♡ Manipulative ♡ Doesn't daydream as much as other 4 types and isn't as emotional; 1 stunts the dreamy, emotional part of 4 ♡ Erratic view of darling ♡ 1 fix can help 4 core romanticize things less and be more serious ♡ 4 fix can help 1 core love darling more comfortably

1+6: ♡ Very strict ♡ Wants to be aware of what darling is doing, not out of curiosity like 5, but out of fear ♡ Rigid expectations; will panic if they fail to follow their expectations or act differently ♡ Extremely controlling due to need for security and ♡ Criticism + paranoia = becomes very angry if they see something "wrong" with darling ♡ Imagines problems that don't exist and becomes upset about them ♡ Especially hateful of everyone darling interacts with ♡ 1 fix can help core 6 focus on an ideal and focus on something rather than irrational anxieties ♡ 6 fix can help core 1 be less harsh and more lovey-dovey

4+6: ♡ Extremely sensitive ♡ Cries easily about darling ♡ Manipulative ♡ Definitely be the type to kill or at least hurt anyone in the way ♡ Only trusts darling ♡ "I fucking hate everyone but you" ♡ Tests darling's loyalty ♡ Soulmates ♡ Very delusional but especially persecutory ♡ Paranoid ♡ Vulnerable ♡ Empathetic to darling ♡ Likely reverent ♡ 6 fix can help 4 core be more careful and wary ♡ 4 fix can help 6 core stay in touch with emotions

147 - The Visionary

1+4: ♡ Most focused on darling being perfect ♡ Hates everything that isn't darling the most, finds them boring and subpar ♡ Hard to please ♡ Very particular ♡ Possibly follows religious ideals with darling ♡ Or might worship darling instead - or desire that darling worships them ♡ Harsh standards for themself ♡ 1 wants to control darling while 4 wants to simply love darling as they are ♡ Feels conflicted in how they feel about darling ♡ Manipulative ♡ Doesn't daydream as much as other 4 types and isn't as emotional; 1 stunts the dreamy, emotional part of 4 ♡ Erratic view of darling ♡ 1 fix can help 4 core romanticize things less and be more serious ♡ 4 fix can help 1 core love darling more comfortably

1+7: ♡ Very idealistic ♡ Focused on a dream/perfect world ♡ Serious but also enthusiastic ♡ Can get quickly bored of darlings if they aren't "good enough" ♡ Loves giving gifts to darling ♡ Unpredictable emotions; prone to anger issues ♡ Unpredictable and somewhat random in general despite desire for structure and control; 7 conflicts with 1 ♡ Likes to plan trips and dates in detail ♡ Romanticizes darling and gets upset if they don't match the ideal they have for them ♡ Desires perfection ♡ In love with the idea of darling ♡ 7 fix can help 1 core be less strict, demanding, and critical ♡ 1 fix can help 7 core focus and be more structured

4+7: ♡ Dreamer and idealist ♡ Romanticizes darling a lot ♡ Rose-colored glasses ♡ Plays with darling ♡ Overindulges in fantasies and love for darling ♡ Prone to giving into desires, even darker ones ♡ Believes they and darling are special and fated to be together ♡ Manic ♡ Moody ♡ Can become bratty ♡ Childish at times ♡ "That's mine!!" ♡ 4 fix can help 7 core feel a stronger connection to just one darling rather than jumping around ♡ 7 fix can help 4 core get over any lost darlings quicker

258 - The Strategist

2+5: ♡ Needs alone time despite craving attention from darling ♡ Covert obsession ♡ Would set up cameras in darling's room and/or watch them at all times ♡ Needs to know they're safe and content ♡ Asks darling so many questions and wants to know exactly how they feel ♡ Keeps their true intentions hidden ♡ Interested in darling's connections with other people ♡ Likes to give advice to darling and to be of service ♡ Really, really loves analyzing darling ♡ Love letters and love poetry enjoyer ♡ 2 fix can help 5 core interact with darling more ♡ 5 fix can help 2 core become less suffocating to darling

2+8: ♡ Very very very possessive ♡ Hates when people talk to darling ♡ Would lock darling in their closet and be their sole caretaker if t hey could ♡ Especially controlling ♡ Acts of service ♡ Likely physical touch for 8 core especially ♡ Dislikes being vulnerable and prefers to make darling vulnerable ♡ Conflicted between protecting their own needs and pleasing darling ♡ Aggressive in love and cute aggression ♡ Lovey-dovey ♡ Darling's hero ♡ Anger issues to both darling and others ♡ Sees darling as helpless and weak, needing their help and protection ♡ 2 fix can help 8 core care more about making darling happy and fulfilling their needs rather than simply possessing them ♡ 8 fix can help 2 core become less obsessed with pleasing darling and care more about protecting themself

5+8: ♡ Mastermind ♡ Often intimidating, darling may be afraid of them ♡ Quietly stalks darling and waits to pounce ♡ Invulnerable ♡ Dominant ♡ Watches from afar rather than closely interacting with darling ♡ Especially hates everyone in darling's life; possessive and jealous but wields it like a weapon ♡ Likely has street smarts ♡ Prone to manipulation and violence; lethal ♡ Hates superficiality and dislikes small talk, especially with darling ♡ Wants a true, deep connection with darling, especially with 4 core or fix ♡ 5 fix can help 8 core be less impulsive and reflect more ♡ 8 fix can help 5 core eventually pounce rather than never acting

259 - The Problem Solver

2+5: ♡ Needs alone time despite craving attention from darling ♡ Covert obsession ♡ Would set up cameras in darling's room and/or watch them at all times ♡ Needs to know they're safe and content ♡ Asks darling so many questions and wants to know exactly how they feel ♡ Keeps their true intentions hidden ♡ Interested in darling's connections with other people ♡ Likes to give advice to darling and to be of service ♡ Really, really loves analyzing darling ♡ Love letters and love poetry enjoyer ♡ 2 fix can help 5 core interact with darling more ♡ 5 fix can help 2 core become less suffocating to darling

2+9: ♡ Most self-sacrifical ♡ Forgets own needs in favor of darling's ♡ Conflicted between hidden pride of 2 and self-abasement of 9 ♡ Deeply fearful of hurting darling or upsetting darling ♡ Very sweet to darling, probably the sweetest to darling except maybe 4+9 ♡ Passive-aggressive ♡ Lots of built-up resentment ♡ Might snap on darling one day ♡ Deeply afraid of losing darling ♡ Especially bad abandonment issues ♡ Prone to feeling unappreciated ♡ Denies their pride ♡ Wants to help darling ♡ Delicate and mellow ♡ 2 fix can help 9 core have some kind of pride and enhances desire to help darling, giving some kind of purpose ♡ 9 fix can help 2 core be less prideful and more gentle

5+9: ♡ Lots of daydreaming about darling ♡ May write love poetry that they will probably never share with darling ♡ Withdrawn ♡ Nervous ♡ Stalks darling out of curiosity and love rather than paranoia or for a desire to control them ♡ Seems to disappear ♡ Covert obsession ♡ Reverent ♡ Represses their anxiety and anger ♡ Might have a mask with darling, especially if 3 fix or core ♡ 9 fix can help 5 core be more submissive ♡ 5 fix can help 9 core understand darling more strongly

268 - The Hero

2+6: ♡ Strong desire to be of service to darling ♡ Most anxious about making a mistake and hurting darling rather than helping ♡ Hates hates hates being alone and separated from darling the most; most clingy and needy ♡ Needs security and plenty of "I love you"s ♡ Needy. Did I mention needy? ♡ Forgets their own needs and instead focuses on darling's ♡ Needs to be important to darling ♡ Becomes very flustered and upset if they don't know how to help darling ♡ Hates it when other people help darling with anything ♡ Often self-sacrifical for darling but not humble about it, at least not internally ♡ 6 fix can help 2 core be more understanding of darling and think things through more carefully rather than only seeking affection; can help 2 be more thoughtful ♡ 2 fix can help 6 core feel more of a specific purpose, to help darling

2+8: ♡ Very very very possessive ♡ Hates when people talk to darling ♡ Would lock darling in their closet and be their sole caretaker if t hey could ♡ Especially controlling ♡ Acts of service ♡ Likely physical touch for 8 core especially ♡ Dislikes being vulnerable and prefers to make darling vulnerable ♡ Conflicted between protecting their own needs and pleasing darling ♡ Aggressive in love and cute aggression ♡ Lovey-dovey ♡ Darling's hero ♡ Anger issues to both darling and others ♡ Sees darling as helpless and weak, needing their help and protection ♡ 2 fix can help 8 core care more about making darling happy and fulfilling their needs rather than simply possessing them ♡ 8 fix can help 2 core become less obsessed with pleasing darling and care more about protecting themself

6+8: ♡ Most paranoid combination ♡ Needs to have control over darling ♡ Especially with 5 fix, wants to know what darling's up to, where they are, etc at all times ♡ Tests darling often in multiple ways (loyalty, their love, etc) ♡ Quick reflexes ♡ Almost always in attack mode ♡ Fight rather than flight ♡ Dominant and controlling ♡ POSSESSIVE. So possessive ♡ Denies their anxiety about darling but really is anxious ♡ Loyal and protective over darling (might hate 7s...) ♡ Confrontational and argumentative ♡ Would kill or at least hurt darling if they cheated ♡ Definitely the "Me murdering everyone he's ever looked at" type ♡ 6 fix can help 8 core bond with darling more ♡ 8 fix can help 6 core be more confident and act more rather than simply be anxious

269 - The Nurturer

2+6: ♡ Strong desire to be of service to darling ♡ Most anxious about making a mistake and hurting darling rather than helping ♡ Hates hates hates being alone and separated from darling the most; most clingy and needy ♡ Needs security and plenty of "I love you"s ♡ Needy. Did I mention needy? ♡ Forgets their own needs and instead focuses on darling's ♡ Needs to be important to darling ♡ Becomes very flustered and upset if they don't know how to help darling ♡ Hates it when other people help darling with anything ♡ Often self-sacrifical for darling but not humble about it, at least not internally ♡ 6 fix can help 2 core be more understanding of darling and think things through more carefully rather than only seeking affection; can help 2 be more thoughtful ♡ 2 fix can help 6 core feel more of a specific purpose, to help darling

2+9: ♡ Most self-sacrifical ♡ Forgets own needs in favor of darling's ♡ Conflicted between hidden pride of 2 and self-abasement of 9 ♡ Deeply fearful of hurting darling or upsetting darling ♡ Very sweet to darling, probably the sweetest to darling except maybe 4+9 ♡ Passive-aggressive ♡ Lots of built-up resentment ♡ Might snap on darling one day ♡ Deeply afraid of losing darling ♡ Especially bad abandonment issues ♡ Prone to feeling unappreciated ♡ Denies their pride ♡ Wants to help darling ♡ Delicate and mellow ♡ 2 fix can help 9 core have some kind of pride and enhances desire to help darling, giving some kind of purpose ♡ 9 fix can help 2 core be less prideful and more gentle

6+9: (lol funny number) ♡ Very clingy and anxious ♡ Does not deny anxiety at all ♡ Gentle and agreeable with darling ♡ Reverent ♡ More likely to be honest than manipulative ♡ Changes to fit darling's desires, especially if with a 3 fix or core ♡ Absolutely terrified of conflict with darling ♡ Sees relationship with darling as their source of security and safety in their life ♡ Needy ♡ Needs reassurance often ♡ 6 fix can help 9 core be more proactive ♡ 9 fix can help 6 core be more accepting

278 - The Playful

2+7: ♡ Very social, even with those that aren't darling (but especially with darling) ♡ Possibly a bit delusional in likely thinking that darling is obsessed with them as well ♡ Friendly and upbeat ♡ More likely to compromise with others that get in their way of darling rather than act in a manner that is emotionally-charged ♡ Manipulative; love-bombs darling and even others ♡ Likes messing with darling and teasing them ♡ Extremely affectionate ♡ Probably enjoys physical touch ♡ Fantasizes about saving darling from danger ♡ 2 fix can help core 7 be more caring about darling's wellbeing ♡ 7 fix can help core 2 relax

2+8: ♡ Very very very possessive ♡ Hates when people talk to darling ♡ Would lock darling in their closet and be their sole caretaker if t hey could ♡ Especially controlling ♡ Acts of service ♡ Likely physical touch for 8 core especially ♡ Dislikes being vulnerable and prefers to make darling vulnerable ♡ Conflicted between protecting their own needs and pleasing darling ♡ Aggressive in love and cute aggression ♡ Lovey-dovey ♡ Darling's hero ♡ Anger issues to both darling and others ♡ Sees darling as helpless and weak, needing their help and protection ♡ 2 fix can help 8 core care more about making darling happy and fulfilling their needs rather than simply possessing them ♡ 8 fix can help 2 core become less obsessed with pleasing darling and care more about protecting themself

7+8: ♡ Assertive ♡ Playful ♡ Likes teasing darling ♡ Enjoys intensity and seeks thrills ♡ Excessive and grandiose ♡ Hates being controlled, especially by darling! ♡ Wants to control darling and play with them ♡ Needs freedom ♡ Especially possessive ♡ Sees darling like their own toy that nobody else can play with ♡ Possibly a bit childish ♡ May switch between darlings frequently ♡ Indecisive ♡ 7 fix can help 8 core be happier and less serious ♡ 8 fix can help 7 core with idealizing darling excessively

279 - The Peacemaker

2+7: ♡ Very social, even with those that aren't darling (but especially with darling) ♡ Possibly a bit delusional in likely thinking that darling is obsessed with them as well ♡ Friendly and upbeat ♡ More likely to compromise with others that get in their way of darling rather than act in a manner that is emotionally-charged ♡ Manipulative; love-bombs darling and even others ♡ Likes messing with darling and teasing them ♡ Extremely affectionate ♡ Probably enjoys physical touch ♡ Fantasizes about saving darling from danger ♡ 2 fix can help core 7 be more caring about darling's wellbeing ♡ 7 fix can help core 2 relax

2+9: ♡ Most self-sacrifical ♡ Forgets own needs in favor of darling's ♡ Conflicted between hidden pride of 2 and self-abasement of 9 ♡ Deeply fearful of hurting darling or upsetting darling ♡ Very sweet to darling, probably the sweetest to darling except maybe 4+9 ♡ Passive-aggressive ♡ Lots of built-up resentment ♡ Might snap on darling one day ♡ Deeply afraid of losing darling ♡ Especially bad abandonment issues ♡ Prone to feeling unappreciated ♡ Denies their pride ♡ Wants to help darling ♡ Delicate and mellow ♡ 2 fix can help 9 core have some kind of pride and enhances desire to help darling, giving some kind of purpose ♡ 9 fix can help 2 core be less prideful and more gentle

7+9: ♡ Dreamy and idealizes darling ♡ A bit more aggressive than other 9 types ♡ Childlike ♡ May get bored of darlings just as quickly as they get attached to darlings ♡ Seems to get addicted to darling ♡ Self-destructive ♡ Very idealistic ♡ Sees darling in a romanticized light, especially with 4 fix or core ♡ Probably gets along with darling well as they have a comforting energy ♡ Likes going on fun, cute dates with darling ♡ Not at all rough ♡ 7 fix can help 9 core be more confident and playful ♡ 9 fix can help 7 core be softer and less temperamental

358 - The Overachiever

3+5: ♡ Arrogant about how well they "know" darling ♡ Intelligent ♡ Meticulous and careful ♡ Stalker but likes to be a little fun with it ♡ Would secretly give possibly creepy gifts to darling ♡ Likes to look good for darling but is less flashy than a 3+7 for example ♡ Strong mask around everyone but especially darling ♡ Fearful of vulnerability ♡ Puts a barrier between themself and darling ♡ Fear of failure ♡ 3 fix can help 5 core be less reserved and act more on their desires, despite still having a mask of some kind ♡ 5 fix can help 3 core understand darling better and care more about darling rather than looking good together

3+8: ♡ Marks darling, probably would get them a collar or something like that! ♡ Wants everyone to know who darling belongs to ♡ Very aggressive and assertive to darling and others ♡ Dominant ♡ Intimidates others, especially anyone who gets in the way of their relationship ♡ Would kill for darling (...or maybe kill darling, too) ♡ Invulnerable ♡ Afraid of showing emotion to darling ♡ Has a "mask" ♡ Thinks those in darling's life are insignificant and weak ♡ Likely sees darling as their cute little pet or something of the sort ♡ 3 fix can help 8 core love their relationship with darling more ♡ 8 fix can help 3 core fight against obstacles more

5+8: ♡ Mastermind ♡ Often intimidating, darling may be afraid of them ♡ Quietly stalks darling and waits to pounce ♡ Invulnerable ♡ Dominant ♡ Watches from afar rather than closely interacting with darling ♡ Especially hates everyone in darling's life; possessive and jealous but wields it like a weapon ♡ Likely has street smarts ♡ Prone to manipulation and violence; lethal ♡ Hates superficiality and dislikes small talk, especially with darling ♡ Wants a true, deep connection with darling, especially with 4 core or fix ♡ 5 fix can help 8 core be less impulsive and reflect more ♡ 8 fix can help 5 core eventually pounce rather than never acting

359 - The Observer

3+5: ♡ Arrogant about how well they "know" darling ♡ Intelligent ♡ Meticulous and careful ♡ Stalker but likes to be a little fun with it ♡ Would secretly give possibly creepy gifts to darling ♡ Likes to look good for darling but is less flashy than a 3+7 for example ♡ Strong mask around everyone but especially darling ♡ Fearful of vulnerability ♡ Puts a barrier between themself and darling ♡ Fear of failure ♡ 3 fix can help 5 core be less reserved and act more on their desires, despite still having a mask of some kind ♡ 5 fix can help 3 core understand darling better and care more about darling rather than looking good together

3+9: ♡ Especially attached to darling ♡ Adaptable and accommodating to darling ♡ Most reverent 3 type ♡ Mostly stable emotions ♡ Clingy to darling ♡ Still cares about their image with darling ♡ Might want darling to take care of them ♡ Prefers a diplomatic approach to obstacles ♡ Avoids conflict ♡ Highly adaptive to darling's preferences; chameleon-like ♡ 3 fix can help 9 core be more confident ♡ 9 fix can help 3 core be more humble and careful

5+9: ♡ Lots of daydreaming about darling ♡ May write love poetry that they will probably never share with darling ♡ Withdrawn ♡ Nervous ♡ Stalks darling out of curiosity and love rather than paranoia or for a desire to control them ♡ Seems to disappear ♡ Covert obsession ♡ Reverent ♡ Represses their anxiety and anger ♡ Might have a mask with darling, especially if 3 fix or core ♡ 9 fix can help 5 core be more submissive ♡ 5 fix can help 9 core understand darling more strongly

368 - The Owner

3+6: ♡ Cares a lot about loyalty ♡ Wants darling to pledge their loyalty to them ♡ Needs darling to show how much they love them in actions ♡ Highly dedicated to darling ♡ Insecure about how others see their relationship ♡ Shows darling off to make sure everyone knows they're together ♡ Anxious ♡ Especially anxious if they feel darling has criticized them in any way ♡ Matching pfps, layouts, outfits, etc with darling ♡ Anxious about how their darling views them; needs to be perfect ♡ Wants to be extremely talented and accomplished so darling admires them ♡ Competitive to please darling ♡ Adapts to darling's preferences like a chameleon ♡ 3 fix can help 6 core be more confident ♡ 6 fix can help 3 core think more

3+8: ♡ Marks darling, probably would get them a collar or something like that! ♡ Wants everyone to know who darling belongs to ♡ Very aggressive and assertive to darling and others ♡ Dominant ♡ Intimidates others, especially anyone who gets in the way of their relationship ♡ Would kill for darling (...or maybe kill darling, too) ♡ Invulnerable ♡ Afraid of showing emotion to darling ♡ Has a "mask" ♡ Thinks those in darling's life are insignificant and weak ♡ Likely sees darling as their cute little pet or something of the sort ♡ 3 fix can help 8 core love their relationship with darling more ♡ 8 fix can help 3 core fight against obstacles more

6+8: ♡ Most paranoid combination ♡ Needs to have control over darling ♡ Especially with 5 fix, wants to know what darling's up to, where they are, etc at all times ♡ Tests darling often in multiple ways (loyalty, their love, etc) ♡ Quick reflexes ♡ Almost always in attack mode ♡ Fight rather than flight ♡ Dominant and controlling ♡ POSSESSIVE. So possessive ♡ Denies their anxiety about darling but really is anxious ♡ Loyal and protective over darling (might hate 7s...) ♡ Confrontational and argumentative ♡ Would kill or at least hurt darling if they cheated ♡ Definitely the "Me murdering everyone he's ever looked at" type ♡ 6 fix can help 8 core bond with darling more ♡ 8 fix can help 6 core be more confident and act more rather than simply be anxious

369 - The Attached

3+6: ♡ Cares a lot about loyalty ♡ Wants darling to pledge their loyalty to them ♡ Needs darling to show how much they love them in actions ♡ Highly dedicated to darling ♡ Insecure about how others see their relationship ♡ Shows darling off to make sure everyone knows they're together ♡ Anxious ♡ Especially anxious if they feel darling has criticized them in any way ♡ Matching pfps, layouts, outfits, etc with darling ♡ Anxious about how their darling views them; needs to be perfect ♡ Wants to be extremely talented and accomplished so darling admires them ♡ Competitive to please darling ♡ Adapts to darling's preferences like a chameleon ♡ 3 fix can help 6 core be more confident ♡ 6 fix can help 3 core think more

3+9: ♡ Especially attached to darling ♡ Adaptable and accommodating to darling ♡ Most reverent 3 type ♡ Mostly stable emotions ♡ Clingy to darling ♡ Still cares about their image with darling ♡ Might want darling to take care of them ♡ Prefers a diplomatic approach to obstacles ♡ Avoids conflict ♡ Highly adaptive to darling's preferences; chameleon-like ♡ 3 fix can help 9 core be more confident ♡ 9 fix can help 3 core be more humble and careful

6+9: (lol funny number) ♡ Very clingy and anxious ♡ Does not deny anxiety at all ♡ Gentle and agreeable with darling ♡ Reverent ♡ More likely to be honest than manipulative ♡ Changes to fit darling's desires, especially if with a 3 fix or core ♡ Absolutely terrified of conflict with darling ♡ Sees relationship with darling as their source of security and safety in their life ♡ Needy ♡ Needs reassurance often ♡ 6 fix can help 9 core be more proactive ♡ 9 fix can help 6 core be more accepting

378 - The Energizer

3+7: ♡ Flashy ♡ Positive and optimistic about their relationship ♡ Especially wants darling to think they're cool and the best ♡ Might be fake or two-faced ♡ Can manipulate others easily ♡ Doesn't hesitate to harm others if they're in the way of their relationship with darling ♡ Romanticizes darling and their relationship ♡ Loves doing cute couple things with darling ♡ Playful, likes teasing darling ♡ Drags darling into adventures with them ♡ Struggles with vulnerability ♡ Has a "mask" or false self ♡ 3 fix can help 7 core focus more on one darling rather than bouncing around as much ♡ 7 fix can help 3 core be more lovey-dovey and playful

3+8: ♡ Marks darling, probably would get them a collar or something like that! ♡ Wants everyone to know who darling belongs to ♡ Very aggressive and assertive to darling and others ♡ Dominant ♡ Intimidates others, especially anyone who gets in the way of their relationship ♡ Would kill for darling (...or maybe kill darling, too) ♡ Invulnerable ♡ Afraid of showing emotion to darling ♡ Has a "mask" ♡ Thinks those in darling's life are insignificant and weak ♡ Likely sees darling as their cute little pet or something of the sort ♡ 3 fix can help 8 core love their relationship with darling more ♡ 8 fix can help 3 core fight against obstacles more

7+8: ♡ Assertive ♡ Playful ♡ Likes teasing darling ♡ Enjoys intensity and seeks thrills ♡ Excessive and grandiose ♡ Hates being controlled, especially by darling! ♡ Wants to control darling and play with them ♡ Needs freedom ♡ Especially possessive ♡ Sees darling like their own toy that nobody else can play with ♡ Possibly a bit childish ♡ May switch between darlings frequently ♡ Indecisive ♡ 7 fix can help 8 core be happier and less serious ♡ 8 fix can help 7 core with idealizing darling excessively

379 - The Masked

3+7: ♡ Flashy ♡ Positive and optimistic about their relationship ♡ Especially wants darling to think they're cool and the best ♡ Might be fake or two-faced ♡ Can manipulate others easily ♡ Doesn't hesitate to harm others if they're in the way of their relationship with darling ♡ Romanticizes darling and their relationship ♡ Loves doing cute couple things with darling ♡ Playful, likes teasing darling ♡ Drags darling into adventures with them ♡ Struggles with vulnerability ♡ Has a "mask" or false self ♡ 3 fix can help 7 core focus more on one darling rather than bouncing around as much ♡ 7 fix can help 3 core be more lovey-dovey and playful

3+9: ♡ Especially attached to darling ♡ Adaptable and accommodating to darling ♡ Most reverent 3 type ♡ Mostly stable emotions ♡ Clingy to darling ♡ Still cares about their image with darling ♡ Might want darling to take care of them ♡ Prefers a diplomatic approach to obstacles ♡ Avoids conflict ♡ Highly adaptive to darling's preferences; chameleon-like ♡ 3 fix can help 9 core be more confident ♡ 9 fix can help 3 core be more humble and careful

7+9: ♡ Dreamy and idealizes darling ♡ A bit more aggressive than other 9 types ♡ Childlike ♡ May get bored of darlings just as quickly as they get attached to darlings ♡ Seems to get addicted to darling ♡ Self-destructive ♡ Very idealistic ♡ Sees darling in a romanticized light, especially with 4 fix or core ♡ Probably gets along with darling well as they have a comforting energy ♡ Likes going on fun, cute dates with darling ♡ Not at all rough ♡ 7 fix can help 9 core be more confident and playful ♡ 9 fix can help 7 core be softer and less temperamental

458 - The Enraptured

4+5: ♡ Detached from actually being with darling ♡ Watches darling from afar and daydreams about them rather than acting ♡ Doubled daydreaming aspects ♡ Quiet resentment towards others in darling's life; 4, 1, or 8 core more likely to act on resentment ♡ Deeply engrossed in analyzing darling ♡ Writes and enjoys love poetry and love letters ♡ Deep down, needs words of affirmation ♡ Sees darling as perfect (unless splitting or something of the sort, as is common with 4 types...!) ♡ Quite delusional ♡ 5 fix might make 4 core a little less emotional than other 4s ♡ Bizzare-seeking ♡ Struggles to explain their feelings for darling when asked about it ♡ Somewhat dislikes simple conversation with darling; prefers deep conversations with them ♡ 4 fix can help 5 core be more likely to act, though it is still a bit detached ♡ 5 fix can help 4 core analyze darling more and see them more as a person rather than entirely as their "lover"

4+8: ♡ Reactive ♡ Hates superficiality and small talk, wants to have deep conversations and understanding with darling ♡ Daydreams at times ♡ Feels like they're the only one who can understand darling and vice versa ♡ Needs to be the most important and needed person for darling ♡ Needs darling to need them ♡ Hates it if darling lies to them and can tell ♡ Controlling of darling ♡ Aggressive towards obstacles ♡ Easily made possessive and jealous ♡ Protective over darling ♡ Wants to deeply understand darling, even the dark and taboo parts of them ♡ Values that darling is completely vulnerable with them and DOES. NOT. LIE. ♡ 4 fix can help 8 core be more comfortable with vulnerability and emotion ♡ 8 fix can help 4 core be more protective and assertive

5+8: ♡ Mastermind ♡ Often intimidating, darling may be afraid of them ♡ Quietly stalks darling and waits to pounce ♡ Invulnerable ♡ Dominant ♡ Watches from afar rather than closely interacting with darling ♡ Especially hates everyone in darling's life; possessive and jealous but wields it like a weapon ♡ Likely has street smarts ♡ Prone to manipulation and violence; lethal ♡ Hates superficiality and dislikes small talk, especially with darling ♡ Wants a true, deep connection with darling, especially with 4 core or fix ♡ 5 fix can help 8 core be less impulsive and reflect more ♡ 8 fix can help 5 core eventually pounce rather than never acting

459 - The Dreamer

4+5: ♡ Detached from actually being with darling ♡ Watches darling from afar and daydreams about them rather than acting ♡ Doubled daydreaming aspects ♡ Quiet resentment towards others in darling's life; 4, 1, or 8 core more likely to act on resentment ♡ Deeply engrossed in analyzing darling ♡ Writes and enjoys love poetry and love letters ♡ Deep down, needs words of affirmation ♡ Sees darling as perfect (unless splitting or something of the sort, as is common with 4 types...!) ♡ Quite delusional ♡ 5 fix might make 4 core a little less emotional than other 4s ♡ Bizzare-seeking ♡ Struggles to explain their feelings for darling when asked about it ♡ Somewhat dislikes simple conversation with darling; prefers deep conversations with them ♡ 4 fix can help 5 core be more likely to act, though it is still a bit detached ♡ 5 fix can help 4 core analyze darling more and see them more as a person rather than entirely as their "lover"

4+9: ♡ A daydreamer ♡ Dreamy ♡ Especially obsessed with the idea of soulmates ♡ Quiet resentment to those in darling's life ♡ Withdrawn from darling ♡ Prone to isolating self from darling when anxious or upset ♡ Jealousy is quiet but profound ♡ Hesitates to interact with darling out of anxiety ♡ Romantic and nostalgic ♡ Passive ♡ Fearful of conflict with darling ♡ Afraid of communicating feelings ♡ Strongest fear of abandonment ♡ Hides their sadness from darling ♡ 4 fix can help 9 core think more about their and their darling's emotional needs more ♡ 9 fix can help 4 core be more gentle and less likely to manipulate or hurt others on purpose

5+9: ♡ Lots of daydreaming about darling ♡ May write love poetry that they will probably never share with darling ♡ Withdrawn ♡ Nervous ♡ Stalks darling out of curiosity and love rather than paranoia or for a desire to control them ♡ Seems to disappear ♡ Covert obsession ♡ Reverent ♡ Represses their anxiety and anger ♡ Might have a mask with darling, especially if 3 fix or core ♡ 9 fix can help 5 core be more submissive ♡ 5 fix can help 9 core understand darling more strongly

468 - The Fervent

4+6: ♡ Extremely sensitive ♡ Cries easily about darling ♡ Manipulative ♡ Definitely be the type to kill or at least hurt anyone in the way ♡ Only trusts darling ♡ "I fucking hate everyone but you" ♡ Tests darling's loyalty ♡ Soulmates ♡ Very delusional but especially persecutory ♡ Paranoid ♡ Vulnerable ♡ Empathetic to darling ♡ Likely reverent ♡ 6 fix can help 4 core be more careful and wary ♡ 4 fix can help 6 core stay in touch with emotions

4+8: ♡ Reactive ♡ Hates superficiality and small talk, wants to have deep conversations and understanding with darling ♡ Daydreams at times ♡ Feels like they're the only one who can understand darling and vice versa ♡ Needs to be the most important and needed person for darling ♡ Needs darling to need them ♡ Hates it if darling lies to them and can tell ♡ Controlling of darling ♡ Aggressive towards obstacles ♡ Easily made possessive and jealous ♡ Protective over darling ♡ Wants to deeply understand darling, even the dark and taboo parts of them ♡ Values that darling is completely vulnerable with them and DOES. NOT. LIE. ♡ 4 fix can help 8 core be more comfortable with vulnerability and emotion ♡ 8 fix can help 4 core be more protective and assertive

6+8: ♡ Most paranoid combination ♡ Needs to have control over darling ♡ Especially with 5 fix, wants to know what darling's up to, where they are, etc at all times ♡ Tests darling often in multiple ways (loyalty, their love, etc) ♡ Quick reflexes ♡ Almost always in attack mode ♡ Fight rather than flight ♡ Dominant and controlling ♡ POSSESSIVE. So possessive ♡ Denies their anxiety about darling but really is anxious ♡ Loyal and protective over darling (might hate 7s...) ♡ Confrontational and argumentative ♡ Would kill or at least hurt darling if they cheated ♡ Definitely the "Me murdering everyone he's ever looked at" type ♡ 6 fix can help 8 core bond with darling more ♡ 8 fix can help 6 core be more confident and act more rather than simply be anxious

469 - The Love-seeker

4+6: ♡ Extremely sensitive ♡ Cries easily about darling ♡ Manipulative ♡ Definitely be the type to kill or at least hurt anyone in the way ♡ Only trusts darling ♡ "I fucking hate everyone but you" ♡ Tests darling's loyalty ♡ Soulmates ♡ Very delusional but especially persecutory ♡ Paranoid ♡ Vulnerable ♡ Empathetic to darling ♡ Likely reverent ♡ 6 fix can help 4 core be more careful and wary ♡ 4 fix can help 6 core stay in touch with emotions

4+9: ♡ A daydreamer ♡ Dreamy ♡ Especially obsessed with the idea of soulmates ♡ Quiet resentment to those in darling's life ♡ Withdrawn from darling ♡ Prone to isolating self from darling when anxious or upset ♡ Jealousy is quiet but profound ♡ Hesitates to interact with darling out of anxiety ♡ Romantic and nostalgic ♡ Passive ♡ Fearful of conflict with darling ♡ Afraid of communicating feelings ♡ Strongest fear of abandonment ♡ Hides their sadness from darling ♡ 4 fix can help 9 core think more about their and their darling's emotional needs more ♡ 9 fix can help 4 core be more gentle and less likely to manipulate or hurt others on purpose

6+9: (lol funny number) ♡ Very clingy and anxious ♡ Does not deny anxiety at all ♡ Gentle and agreeable with darling ♡ Reverent ♡ More likely to be honest than manipulative ♡ Changes to fit darling's desires, especially if with a 3 fix or core ♡ Absolutely terrified of conflict with darling ♡ Sees relationship with darling as their source of security and safety in their life ♡ Needy ♡ Needs reassurance often ♡ 6 fix can help 9 core be more proactive ♡ 9 fix can help 6 core be more accepting

478 - The Love-struck

4+7: ♡ Dreamer and idealist ♡ Romanticizes darling a lot ♡ Rose-colored glasses ♡ Plays with darling ♡ Overindulges in fantasies and love for darling ♡ Prone to giving into desires, even darker ones ♡ Believes they and darling are special and fated to be together ♡ Manic ♡ Moody ♡ Can become bratty ♡ Childish at times ♡ "That's mine!!" ♡ 4 fix can help 7 core feel a stronger connection to just one darling rather than jumping around ♡ 7 fix can help 4 core get over any lost darlings quicker

4+8: ♡ Reactive ♡ Hates superficiality and small talk, wants to have deep conversations and understanding with darling ♡ Daydreams at times ♡ Feels like they're the only one who can understand darling and vice versa ♡ Needs to be the most important and needed person for darling ♡ Needs darling to need them ♡ Hates it if darling lies to them and can tell ♡ Controlling of darling ♡ Aggressive towards obstacles ♡ Easily made possessive and jealous ♡ Protective over darling ♡ Wants to deeply understand darling, even the dark and taboo parts of them ♡ Values that darling is completely vulnerable with them and DOES. NOT. LIE. ♡ 4 fix can help 8 core be more comfortable with vulnerability and emotion ♡ 8 fix can help 4 core be more protective and assertive

7+8: ♡ Assertive ♡ Playful ♡ Likes teasing darling ♡ Enjoys intensity and seeks thrills ♡ Excessive and grandiose ♡ Hates being controlled, especially by darling! ♡ Wants to control darling and play with them ♡ Needs freedom ♡ Especially possessive ♡ Sees darling like their own toy that nobody else can play with ♡ Possibly a bit childish ♡ May switch between darlings frequently ♡ Indecisive ♡ 7 fix can help 8 core be happier and less serious ♡ 8 fix can help 7 core with idealizing darling excessively

479 - The Romantic

4+7: ♡ Dreamer and idealist ♡ Romanticizes darling a lot ♡ Rose-colored glasses ♡ Plays with darling ♡ Overindulges in fantasies and love for darling ♡ Prone to giving into desires, even darker ones ♡ Believes they and darling are special and fated to be together ♡ Manic ♡ Moody ♡ Can become bratty ♡ Childish at times ♡ "That's mine!!" ♡ 4 fix can help 7 core feel a stronger connection to just one darling rather than jumping around ♡ 7 fix can help 4 core get over any lost darlings quicker

4+9: ♡ A daydreamer ♡ Dreamy ♡ Especially obsessed with the idea of soulmates ♡ Quiet resentment to those in darling's life ♡ Withdrawn from darling ♡ Prone to isolating self from darling when anxious or upset ♡ Jealousy is quiet but profound ♡ Hesitates to interact with darling out of anxiety ♡ Romantic and nostalgic ♡ Passive ♡ Fearful of conflict with darling ♡ Afraid of communicating feelings ♡ Strongest fear of abandonment ♡ Hides their sadness from darling ♡ 4 fix can help 9 core think more about their and their darling's emotional needs more ♡ 9 fix can help 4 core be more gentle and less likely to manipulate or hurt others on purpose

7+9: ♡ Dreamy and idealizes darling ♡ A bit more aggressive than other 9 types ♡ Childlike ♡ May get bored of darlings just as quickly as they get attached to darlings ♡ Seems to get addicted to darling ♡ Self-destructive ♡ Very idealistic ♡ Sees darling in a romanticized light, especially with 4 fix or core ♡ Probably gets along with darling well as they have a comforting energy ♡ Likes going on fun, cute dates with darling ♡ Not at all rough ♡ 7 fix can help 9 core be more confident and playful ♡ 9 fix can help 7 core be softer and less temperamental

Final Notes

I took inspiration from the explanations here. A few of the nicknames are the same.

My original post for the normal Enneagram system is here.

Feel free to comment any questions/comments or send me asks about any questions/comments about this system or the main Yandere Enneagram system ^_^!

[thatweirdguyinthebushes]

breaking bad and it’s themes of toxic masculinity is one of those things that ill never get over. upon first glance jesse is very traditionally masculine, more so than walter, but as the show goes on it becomes clear that walt strives much more for the toxic and self-destructive standards of masculinity, where he must not only be the sole breadwinner for his family but must be acknowledged and praised for being such, where he must be the most intelligent most respected most deferred to of all the other men in his life. his son must respect him the most, his wife must acknowledge and be grateful for the money he brings no matter how he treats her or how he gets that money, his family must be grateful that it was him who provided for them, not strangers on the internet or charity or any of their friends, him. he needs to be acknowledged and respected, needs constantly to have his ego stroked. its one of the reasons he attaches himself so quickly to jesse, because jesse is in desperate need of both parental acknowledgement and a sense of academic achievement. walt takes on a kind of fatherly role, yes, but he's also jesses former teacher, and so his praise comes with a kind of undercurrent of that academic acknowledgement. and also, his relative ignorance at least at first of the technicalities of cooking meth makes it easy for walt to compare himself to jesse and therefore boost his ego. he does genuinely like jesse, but the amount of respect the kid has for him (extending even to the way he addresses him, "mr white", as if theyre still teacher and student) makes him feel superior, which is what he wants. and, as the story later reveals, jesse also has more traits that are stereotypically regarded as soft, feminine, non-masculine. he's highly emotional, much more so than the rest of the cast, and he cries more than every other male character combined. he's very gentle, and enjoys taking care of people, which is evident in the way he treats his romantic partners but also in the way he treats walt, specifically in the episode fly. he likes kids, gets along well with them, and goes above and beyond what every other character does in order to protect them. his emotional nature, especially when children and them being in danger come in to play, is one of the things he is most criticized for by other characters in the show. he's called impulsive and irrational and stupid and rabid, and he's repeatedly punished by the world for how much he cares about things. it seems, for a while, that the world of breaking bad is not only reprimanding him, but reprimanding these traits in and of themselves, saying "Look at what happened to the guy who really cared. Look at all the other male characters. They were all put together and angry and prideful and they cared about no one more than themselves, and they're on top of the world while Jesse is crying in a corner somewhere, because he wasn't a enough of a man." but then, as the story winds further into a close, you see everything play out more clearly. because the characters who are more explicitly masculine than jesse, who keep their emotions together and feed their own egos constantly and comply to the standards of toxic masculinity, all end up dead. gus has to brag in the face of the man who killed his partner, needs the revenge and the gloating and the satisfaction of having ground another man into the dust. mike has to get in the last word against the stupid son of a bitch that fucked it all up. hank has to arrest walt on his own, has to keep his job and his dignity. walt has only ruined his life this much because of his ego, and specifically dies at the hand of his own invention, designed for vengeance against all who wronged him. he offers the gun to jesse and jesse does not take it. he lays it down and instructs walt to do it himself if he wants it that bad. and then he drives away, and he is not stoic or cool or anything like his many foils, he is loud and emotional and he screams and cries and smiles. and at the end of the day, despite the world punishing his open emotion and his love and his gentleness, he is alive, and every other character who disregarded and talked down to him is not.

[holywizardheart]

💭My thoughts about synastry aspects💭

This is my personal experience in relationship and friendship with people!

🎵12th house synastry is a karmic placement. At first, you will spend a lot of time with each other and then this person just disappears from your life. Like it never happened. Also, it can mean that you often see them in your dreams. For me, it feels like this person understands you and you can show your true self without expecting criticism from them. It just feels like heaven and a dream that doesn't last long forever. But guys don't forget that the 12th house can represent your hidden enemies. Just be super careful when sharing your deep feelings and secrets.

💋Mars/Moon negative aspects can be really good, especially in sexual life but not in a relationship. You'll definitely argue a lot. Hurting each other's feelings and there may be a little jealousy :)

Mars person hurts Moon person's feelings. Sometimes Moon person may be scared of the Mars person. It also can mean physical violence. I'm sure that Mars person wants to have sex with Moon ;)

💦Moon opposite Moon aspect is such a good synastry in my opinion. Like there is a quick understanding of each other. I know that it's not perfect for EVERYONE but in my opinion, it works if you're determined to adapt or change. I'm a Pisces Moon and I like Virgo moon and other Virgo placements. For me, they're the most beautiful and kind people I've met in my life. Sending my love to Virgo placements.

💌Venus opposite Mars aspect I was Venus person and the other person is Mars. Honestly, I was so scared of this person because they were so aggressive and argumentative. I just didn't want to have a bad relationship with this person. Like never ever. I felt that I have to be more careful and mindful when it comes to this person. Because the aggression of this person is so terrifying and threatening to me. But maybe the reason is that they have moon mars opposition. Because it literally means emotionally expressive and violent. But right now our relationship is going well and I don't find them life-threatening. We sometimes talk to each other but it's on a very superficial level.

🔥5th house synastry is just about having fun with each other. Like it's so entertaining and awesome being together. Dancing and singing and having a great time. It's funny and enjoyable being with them because you are never bored when you're with them. And dating this person is like being in an adventurous fantasy book. You can try new things together but when something doesn't work out you'll just laugh at each other. Sex is gonna be fascinating and unforgettable.

💕Venus conjunct Descendant is a great placement in my opinion. You'll feel attracted to this person because this person has the same traits that you want in your partner. It means their personality and their looks are literally a perfect match for you. It gives me a lovely couple vibe. From my experience, I was just attracted to them but we couldn't have a relationship with each other. Because I always had bad aspects with Moon and Mars. Yeah, it's killed the connection and we said bye to each other. It was really hard to deal with it and left without any words. But if you have other good and harmonious placements then it's gonna be an amazing romantic love story.

🍀Mars/Saturn negative aspects in this synastry I was Saturn and he's Mars. You know this guy was so annoying and irritating like I just want to throw myself away. His behavior and actions were irrational and chaotic. Like Jesus Christ please save me from this person. I just can't stand near him and I always want to be away from this person. Like, don't touch me keep your hands away from me. It reminds me of being with a child who is constantly crying and annoying me.

[mintywolf]

(I wrote this on the train coming home on August 26th although I am just getting around to posting it now because time is a weird soup.)

So okay.

****

I haven’t written a personal journal post in a long time but I want to write down EVERYTHING I can remember about my adventure to NYC to see the Critical Role cast so I don’t forget. It was SUCH a moving experience and I’m so glad I went even though I was scared.

So okay my big goal for this year was to finish the first chapter of my C3 prequel fan comic A Long Road Home (southerngothiccomic.com), have a print edition made, and meet Laura and Marisha at a convention so I could give copies of it to them in person. When the CR cast announced they were going to be at Anime NYC this year I figured that was the closest they were probably going to get to me in Virginia. (And getting autographs at NYCC is reportedly like hunting a unicorn so I figured this would be my best chance.)

I was also terrified, and almost talked myself out of it because I was nervous about giving them the comic, even though I already had a badge and it was what I really, really wanted to do. I know the cast loves to see fanart — and also, it has been revealed, reads the fanfic — but it’s also a pretty well-known taboo for a fan to show their fanfic to a creator and a graphic novel is an unholy hybrid of the two. I was also worried that it would seem presumptuous of me to present them with a fanmade prequel graphic novel because there’s almost certainly going to be an official one at some point, and afraid that at best they might politely tell me they couldn’t accept it (for the reasons that comic writers aren’t “allowed” to read fanfic), and at worst they might be kind of annoyed that it exists. Either way I’d be REALLY sad, and in the weeks leading up to the con I worked myself up into an irrational panic about this. Fortunately my friends managed to talk me into not backing out (and spoilers: it turned out okay in the end!) but I was still very scared.

Also I was so focused on the comic stuff that I forgot until after GenCon earlier this month to think of what I wanted to actually have autographed. I decided to get a big print of the chapter one cover from INPRNT, assuming that since I ordered it two weeks in advance with an eta of 5-7 days that would be plenty of time for it to get to me. Well, reader, it was not. (But please do not let me dissuade you from using INPRNT! To their credit when I contacted them and asked if I could upgrade to rush delivery, they expedited it for free. Unfortunately even with rush shipping it just missed me, arriving at my house while I was on the train to NYC.)

Pâté on the train going to see his biological parents. (Laura and Marisha.)

When I saw that it wasn’t going to arrive in time I was starting to panic because there is nowhere near me to have art prints made. It’s a 15 minute drive (past the alpaca farm) just to get to the nearest grocery store. Grasping at straws I was kind of like Should I . . . draw something? On paper?? With real media that I haven’t used in like 10 years??? I only have 3 days!!!

Fortunately my life was saved by @emphaticembroiderer who had the brilliant suggestion of sending my art ahead to a print shop in NYC and picking it up before the convention. There are indeed MANY of those in New York and I managed to find one that was open on Saturdays and able to make my print on short notice. (567 Framing on W 14th street. The owner, Jack Hu, did excellent work and was very kind!) By that point I was frazzled and didn’t want two of the same print so I decided to be self-indulgent and had this one made. Not my showiest piece but it is one of my favorite things I’ve drawn. (This turned out to be the correct decision.) It’s a 6 1/2 hour train ride from here to there (and it got a little delayed along the way) so by the time I got there it was after 5 and the print shop closed at 6:30 so I zoomed over there straight from the train station to pick it up. It turned out BEAUTIFULLY, and the owner was pleased with how happy I was with it and that he’d been able to help.

He enjoys that he is included.

Then I went and checked in to my hotel and that point really just wanted to lie down on a bed but I had plans to take Pâté to see Hadestown on Broadway that night because I wanted to make the most of my trip. (Also it’s important for our scrungly son to receive a cultural education.) In keeping with the theme of the weekend I wore the Laudna-themed sundress I made for GenCon with one of the poppies in my hair. An usher told me they liked my ensemble. :) I had decided to go for a front row mezzanine seat because I didn’t know when I’d ever have this opportunity again and I didn’t want to risk my miniature self being stuck behind a tall person. It was perfect; I could see everything and the performance was AMAZING. Pâté had a very good time too.

The next day was the CR panel and autographs!! I decided to wear my 1950s Laudna cosplay from GenCon. I had some doubts about it when I got there because without the rest of 50s Bells Hells the theme isn’t as clear and outside of a DnD-focused convention the recognizability of a CR character is kind of low, let alone an AU variant on one. But once I found the Critters my Pâté poodle skirt was appreciated. :)

This is Rach @dadrielle, Astoria @astoriacolumnstaircase, Abby @overnighttosunflowers, and me as 50s Hells at GenCon!

And okay I know this said a lot but it’s true, CR fans are the NICEST fandom to be a part of. <3 If you’re ever standing in line for a CR thing by the time you get there you will have new friends. (For comparison the other-fandoms cosplayers I saw at the hotel and on the way to the con didn’t even return my smiles, even though we were all clearly going to the same place.) I fell in with a group of people who were near me in line (including an amazing Owlbearman cosplayer) and we decided to all sit together. The panel was really great. I don’t remember everything that was asked because of everything ELSE that happened later that day but they hinted that Big Things are coming (including multiple live shows!! Please come to Richmond! Or DC! Or at least somewhere on the East Coast!) for the 10th anniversary and Momlan stepped up to the mic during the Q&A segment and revealed that Sam has achieved his childhood dream . . . to become a minotaur. :D

With the mindset of making the most of this trip I had intended to try to get a spot in line to ask a question but I was hesitant about being on camera (even in cosplay) and while I was dithering about it like 50 people got in line. (I was also Suffering by that point because my rockabilly Laudna shoes have like 3 inch heels and after walking from the hotel to the convention center I didn’t have the fortitude to dart over to the line in them.)

My question, which I hope to submit next time there’s a Q&A opportunity, was this: For Marisha. We’ve seen Delilah’s influence manifesting in Laudna’s fashion choices recently. Now that she has the means and the freedom to do so, what kind of clothes would she choose for herself?

(Because I am a little sad that — until a possible post-campaign oneshot — we’ll never get to see a high-level Laudna costume that’s totally of her own design and I’m really eager to know what it would look like! Let her be spooky and free!)

Afterwards the cosplayers were being rounded up for a photo shoot but I was anxious to get a good spot in line for my autograph with Laura at 2pm so I stealthed away with Ken (@elissabrat), a Jester fan I had met in line, who knew where they were and had one with Travis at the same time. When we got there we were told No, go away and come back in an hour and a half, because it was still only 12. So we went to the Artists Alley where we found a girl named Lea whom we had also met in the panel line and collected a few other stray Critters (Ken has a boisterous and inviting personality and importantly, is very tall, preventing the rest of us from getting lost in the crowd) and we wandered around seeking out all the CR fan artists we could find. (There were a lot! It was great. I got some prints.)

by Cait May and Maliveth

Around 1 we decided to go back and see what the line situation was. Before we parted ways I exchanged twitter handles with Lea, who looked at my profile and said “Wait . . . this is you?”

She told me she was a big fan of my comic and looks forward to it every week! and we were both kind of like !!! at each other for a moment. I had never met someone who recognized my art in the wild before. (On ANY other day this would have been the most amazing thing that happened to me, haha.) I was so touched to meet her. <3

I took out the two books I was carrying and explained why I was there and we all got hyped up about it. And it made it feel a little less daunting, to know that there was someone there who understood the quest I was on and how close I was to the end of it.

I was like 5th in line for Laura and since it was still early I got to participate in that bonding experience integral to every con, sitting on the floor in cosplay, with a very good Vex behind me. (Hilariously, even after the dig at them — or maybe unaware of it — in the most recent episode, there were a lot of Funko Pop resellers around us, haha.)

I sent word to Southern Gothic Discord to remember me fondly in case I died here. In fact I'm not entirely sure that I didn't.

It felt like there was a disproportionate amount of fanfare revealing my print because I kept it how it was packed by the printer, wrapped in paper in between two pieces of cardboard so it wouldn’t get bent, so there was this whole ceremony of peeling back the tape, turning under one of the cardboard protectors, unfolding the paper, and turning over the print. But Laura loved it. She made like a happy sob when she saw it (it was really cute) and she looked at it for a long time taking in all the details and said it was beautiful. <3 <3 <3 (No matter how much we love and ship Imogen and Laudna, NO ONE loves them or is shipping them harder than Laura Bailey. She asked if I was going to bring it to Marisha too and was careful picking out a spot so there'd be room for both of their signatures. :))

I told her I was really happy to meet her because I’ve been a fan since BloodRayne (so, um. 20 years) and she said “oh wow, that was OG days!” And she gave me just a really kind look like she understood how much it meant to me to be there.

Then I gave her the comic. You all were right, I was worried about nothing! because she is the sweetest and she loved it. I very nervously pushed it across the table and said it was a comic I had made and wanted to give her. She picked it up and started turning the pages and was surprised when she saw what it was. “Wait, this is a whole novel! You made this?”

I confessed that I had, and she asked how long it had taken, I told her about a year (it was actually longer; in the moment I kind of forgot not how many pages there are in the first chapter but how many weeks are in a year) and she looked just really impressed that I had made it and touched by how much work had gone into it. She said she couldn’t wait to read it and seemed really excited to hear that it’s still going online! (So no pressure on me there if she's keeping up with it now, haha. o.o) And she kept looking between the book and me like she couldn’t believe it.

Then she asked me if I would sign it for her. :')

Somehow I survived long enough to do so! (a little wobbly because my hands were shaking) and someone (I think it was the ticket scanner) made a joke about how I was the first person to give an autograph at a signing, haha. And then she came around the table and gave me a hug. <3 <3 <3

After that my soul was still on the ethereal plane but the rest of me managed to find my way (after a brief wrong turn) to Marisha’s line. (There was a really good Keyleth and Caduceus in line behind me and they kindly noticed and returned the Pâté sticker that fell out of Marisha’s book).

She recognized my cosplay as 1950s Laudna right away! which was very validating after my earlier indecision haha. She loved the Pâté skirt and thought the scissors embroidery on my collar was adorable. She really liked the art too and was kind of like “Awww” about the book like in an “aww it’s an Imogen and Laudna thing” kind of way (she also liked the glass bottle windchimes on the cover and I love that she noticed that detail because Laudna’s penchant for turning things other people have thrown away into arts and crafts is one of my favorite aspects of her character) until she opened it and started looking through it.

Then she said, “Wait, this is actually really good," and she asked me seriously if Liam “Art Dad” knew about it (I said he had liked some of my other art on Twitter but I didn’t know if he knew about the comic) and then she said — still looking at it, more to herself than me — “We’ll have to add it to our art catalogue.” I don’t know exactly what that means (and I don’t want to get my hopes up too high by speculating; I was too !!! in the moment to ask and now I’m going to be wondering) but . . . it sounds . . . exciting??

They also both enjoyed Pâté and his lil sunglasses. :)

I had gone up with the intention of asking my other burning question: How does being cold-blooded affect Laudna in cold climates? If she gets too cold will she enter a state of brumation like a lizard? Will she freeze solid?

But I forgot. And it really wouldn’t have been the right moment. Maybe when I come back with Volume Two. :)

You’re supposed to pay extra to get a quote put on there but they both did it anyway without even asking. I think they must be really pleased when someone brings them something personal that they’ve made to have signed and not something they’re planning to sell.

After that I just kind of floated away from the con even though it was only like 2:30 haha. Nothing else could have happened there that would have equaled or improved upon that experience. Although I did adopt a Tentacle Kitty. The vendor (correctly) guessed “you look like you’d vibe with our spooky collection” so I had to get a new buddy for Pâté. (50s Laudna, still readily identifiable as a witch wherever she goes.) Also I saw a very chill emotional support pomeranian in a backpack.

(On the way back I saw the mark of the Traveler graffiti’d in green on the sidewalk. Truly a blessed day. :P)

Afterwards I just sat on the bed in my hotel room amid the floof of my crinoline wondering what even is my life for the next few hours and being like !!!! at Discord. Then I met up with Abby (whom it was wonderful to see again!! thank you so much for coming to see me) for dinner and had a really lovely time going over the What Just Happened of it all and talking about Imodna over strawberry pancakes. As one does. Perfect ending to an amazing day. <3

It was SUCH an incredible, exhilarating experience, thank you everyone who pushed me into not giving up out of fear. Laura and Marisha are SO nice and gracious in person and it was just so rewarding, after all the work and love and time I’ve put into this comic, to be able to finally bring it to the people who inspired it! And to see it appreciated and admired by them! It was more than I ever could have imagined.

This fandom is the best. My heart is so happy and full of love right now. <3 <3 <3